Doubts Of The Heart
by Kookykrumbs
Summary: A man from Mac's past threatens to tear apart the happy family life she and Harm have made for themselves. Takes place 5 months after the series finale. EPILOGUE is UP! Story COMPLETED
1. Prologue

Title: Doubts of the Heart

Author: Kookykrumbs

Summary: A man from Mac's past disrupts the happy family life that she and Harm have made for themselves. Takes place five months after 'Fair Winds and Following Seas'.

Disclaimer: CBS owns these characters. I'm not making a penny off them.

**Prologue**

Tuesday

October 17th, 2005

1700 local

Joint Legal Services Center

San Diego, CA

"You once told me that it's better to ask for forgiveness than to beg for permission."

"Jamie, don't! Please, think about this. Think about what you're doing!" Mac begged. Her assailant, who had just ripped her shirt open, had her pinned under him in the back seat of her car. She was afraid to struggle in fear that he might use the gun he had pointed at her.

He began fondling her breasts. "Get your hands off me!" screamed Mac.

"I know this is what you really want Mac. I know because I love you, and you love me, you just don't know it yet," Jamie said in such a calm manner that made it nauseously creepy considering the situation.

"I don't love you. I love Harm!"

"Shut up!" he yelled, backhanding her across her left cheek. "You do love me! You do!"

Mac's attacker proceeded to unzip his pants while straddling her. Mac, knowing what his intentions were, began struggling furiously to get out from under him. It was no easy task as he outweighed her by a good 90 pounds. Despite the gun being pointed at her, Mac would have preferred a bullet to what he was about to do to her. She gathered all her strength and went for his gun.

Though surprised, he was quick and Mac wasn't able to wrestle the gun away. She fought hard for the gun, but she was in a disadvantaged position to begin with, and he was simply, physically stronger than her.

In the midst of their struggle, the gun went off.

TBC in Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Thursday

October 13th, 2005

0730 local

Harm and Mac's house

San Diego, CA

"So what time should I come get you for lunch, honey?" Harm asked his fiancée.

"Lunch…?" Mac asked, looking confused.

"Yeah, remember I have the afternoon off?"

"Oh, right. But I can't. Do you remember, I told you last week that my old friend's coming to visit this afternoon? Anyway, I'm picking Jamie up at the airport at 1300."

"Oh yeah that's right, and you invited your friend over for dinner tonight."

"You got it, flyboy!"

"Hey, since I forgot, and since I have the afternoon off, how about I make my famous vegetarian lasagna for dinner. How does that sound?" Harm asked, turning to Mattie.

"As long as it's not your meatless meatloaf," Mattie answered, getting a giggle out of Mac.

"The abuse I take!" Harm said, pretending to have his feelings hurt. It just made Mac and Mattie laugh even harder. "Alright, alright, you two laugh it up, but I might just decide to get even and make just that for dinner."

"If that's the case, you'll be eating nothing but that for the next week because no one's going to help you eat it," Mac said.

"You tell him, Mac!" Mattie chimed in.

"Pfff! Women!"

"Well then, if you're so tired of being the only male in this house, I guess you'd better hope for a son," Mac said, giving Harm a wink.

This brought a smile out of Harm. Since arriving to San Diego, he and Mac had found out from a second and third opinion that their chances of conceiving was actually significantly greater than four percent as was previously thought.

"You're damn right I'm hoping! You've already corrupted Mattie. And anyway, with your looks and my brain… well, I'll have a formidable ally!" Harm said, proudly. But secretly he was hoping for a little girl with Mac's looks.

"Whatever you say, Harm. Anyway, I have to go. I'll be late for work. Mattie, sweetie, are you ready?" Mac asked.

"Yeah, let me just get my lunch," Mattie answered.

"I put it in your backpack already," Mac said.

Although Mattie couldn't yet walk without assistance, she has had almost full use of her arms and could do most everyday things without assistance. The local high school was designed for wheelchair accessibility which made it easy for Mattie to continue her schooling when the fall began.

"Bye you two, I love you!" Harm yelled from the kitchen. Harm couldn't believe just how much his life had changed in just half a year. He never imagined he could be so happy. He had to pinch himself some days just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

The couple of months following Harm's promotion and Mac's new billet were both exciting and difficult. After Mac won the coin toss, Harm turned down his assignment in London. However, with intervention from both General Cresswell and Admiral Chegwidden, Harm was able to keep his rank of Captain and after a few months, was given an instructor position at the U.S. Navy Strike Fighter Tactics Instructor Course; more commonly referred to as Top Gun.

Harm had stayed behind in D.C. for almost two months before he joined Mac in San Diego. He had stayed behind to watch over Mattie and to take care of any legal matters regarding her custody. Mac flew in for almost every hearing, showing a united front for the judge, but most of all to provide Harm and Mattie with all the support she could. Mattie's father eventually gave in and agreed that Harm and Mac could provide a better home for Mattie than he could.

Those two months were the most difficult for Harm, not so much with taking care of Mattie and the custody battle, but more because he was so far away from Mac. Although he visited her three times during those two months, he still missed her terribly during the times they weren't together. But Mac had kept his spirits up through many e-mails and late-night phone calls.

Harm couldn't forget how happy he was when the doctor gave Mattie the green light to fly to San Diego. He and Mattie were on a plane the very next day. Six hours later they were greeted at the airport by Mac and Jen.

His thoughts were interrupted by his watch beeping telling him that it was 0800 and that it was time to head to work. With a big smile across his face, Harm walked out the door.

Later that evening

Harm and Mac's house

"So, what are you doing again, Harm?" Mattie asked her guardian as he fiddled with a bunch of wires and buttons on the wall in the den. "I mean, you've been working on that thing on and off the whole day. You just put one in my bedroom, and in the office, and in the kitchen."

"Well, Mattie, it's an intercom system. I'm setting it up so that if you're ever by yourself at home, you don't have to go all the way to the door when someone's knocking outside. You can use the intercom and just ask who it is, and if it's someone you know, like Jen for example, just press this button and it will unlock the door."

"Wow, like in apartment buildings and condos?"

"Exactly."

"Harm, this must've cost you a fortune!"

"Actually, no. An old friend of mine got it for me real cheap. Mac suggested getting the intercom system actually. She didn't want you getting hurt rushing to the door or something if someone was knocking. Anyway, she'll be happy to know that I've finally gotten around to it," Harm said proudly.

"Great! Can we try it out?"

"Not yet, it's not working properly. Right now, it's constantly turned on. I can't seem to turn it off. Do you hear that?" Harm asked Mattie, referring to the static. "It's on and I can hear everything that's going on in the porch."

"I don't hear anything," Mattie said.

"That's because there's no one on the porch. But wait, did you hear that?" Harm asked, referring to the barking dog.

"Yeah, I guess that's the neighbours' dog out loose again?"

"Probably. Anyway, I need to figure out how to turn it off so someone can actually buzzer from outside. But I'll have to get back to that later since Mac and her friend should be arriving any minute now, and I think the lasagna should be done in the oven."

"So you decided not to torture Mac's friend with your meatless meatloaf?"

"I figured since she's an old friend of Mac's that I should get on her good side so she'd be more inclined to spill the beans on Mac from when she was younger," Harm said, grinning mischievously.

"Oooh, I'm telling, Mac!"

"Don't you dare, young lady!" Harm said, unable to contain his laughter.

Harm and Mattie headed towards the kitchen to prepare for dinner. Mattie started on the salad and just as Harm pulled out the lasagna from the oven, he heard the front door open.

"Harm?" Mac yelled from the living room.

"In the kitchen, hon," Harm answered.

Mac entered the kitchen and right behind her was her friend. "Harm, Mattie, I'd like you to meet Jamie Scott, an old friend of mine from High School," Mac said, gesturing to her friend beside her. "Jamie, this is my fiancée, Harm and our daughter Mattie."

"Pleased to meet you, Harm, Mattie," Jamie said, shaking both their hands. "Sarah's told me a lot about you, both of you."

It took a second for Harm to accept Jamie's hand. He was a bit surprised that 'Jamie' was a man; A very tall and handsome one at that. Jamie was the exact same height as Harm, but that's pretty much where the similarities ended. Jamie was tall, blonde-haired, and blue-eyed with prominent cheek-bones. He was built well and anyone could tell that he spends time at the gym. When he smiled, Harm noticed, that Jamie had perfect, pearly white teeth. Harm wondered for a second why that fact annoyed him.

"I'm afraid you have us at a disadvantage, Jamie. My fiancée has said very little about you," Harm said, somewhat stressing the word "fiancée". "I actually thought that Mac's "friend" was a woman."

"I can only imagine your surprise," Jamie said, giving a small chuckle.

"Well, you got here just in time, Harm and I just finished making dinner, let's go eat," Mattie said enthusiastically, sensing Harm's slight discomfort.

As they headed towards the dining room, Harm couldn't help but notice Jamie's hand land on the small of Mac's back.

During dinner, Harm couldn't help but try to find out more about Mac's mystery friend. "So Jamie, how long have you and Mac been friends again?" Harm asked.

"Oh, a long time! When did we meet again, Sarah? When we were 13 or 14?" Jamie asked Mac.

"Yeah, Jamie and I went to the same high school," Mac answered.

"I'm just surprised that in all these years, I've never met you," Harm said.

"Well, except for high school, Sarah and I have pretty much kept a long distance friendship… like pen pals. We'd occasionally write to each other through letters, and then eventually when e-mail came along we were able to keep in better touch," Jamie said.

Harm wondered where this guy was during Mac's alcoholism and her subsequent marriage to Chris Ragle. As if sensing his thoughts, Mac said, "Jamie and I went through a lot together back in the day."

"Actually, Mac and I lost touch a bit after she joined the Marines, but shortly after she joined JAG, she was sent on an investigation in Portland, Oregon where I was living at the time and we bumped into each other. And we've kept in touch since," Jamie added.

"Portland? That was just a few weeks after I met you, wasn't it, Mac?" Harm asked.

"Yeah, it was around that time," Mac answered.

"So Jamie, what do you do?" Mattie asked.

"I'm a civil litigator. I work for a firm in Chicago. Have you heard of Baileys, Anderson and Associates? Of course, from reading Sarah's letters, it's nowhere near as exciting as what she and Harm did," Jamie said, winking at Mac. The gesture didn't go unnoticed by Harm.

"What do you do here in San Diego, Harm?" Jamie, asked.

"He's an instructor at Top Gun," Mac answered proudly.

"So Harm, is Sarah still able to tell time down to the last second without looking at a watch?" Jamie asked, changing the subject good naturedly.

"Oh yeah, she still won't let me in on how she does it though," Harm answered.

"Well, I'll let you in on her secret, Harm. She doesn't have a secret, in fact, she herself doesn't know how she does it. She just can," Jamie said. This got him an elbow from Mac.

"Jamie! I can't believe you told him that!" Mac said laughing. "A girl's gotta have some secrets!"

"Really, Harm, Sarah kinda freaked out all our teachers with that uncanny knack of hers," Jamie said.

"So that's why you had a different answer each time I asked you how you were able to do that," Harm said to Mac.

"Ok, ok, you got me. Happy?" Mac said, smiling.

The rest of dinner went smoothly. Harm could tell that Mac was happy to catch up with an old friend. Harm felt kind of bad with the little bit of jealousy he felt at how comfortable Mac was with this guy who knew her far longer than he did. Harm had to admit that the guy was nice enough. He supposed that any guy who could make Mac laugh was alright in his book. But then again there was Dalton, Mic and Webb who made her laugh at one point or another. Harm quickly shook those thoughts away.

"Well, that was some dinner. You're an excellent cook, Harm," Jamie said.

"Yes, Harm that was wonderful," Mac said giving Harm a kiss and then whispering to his ear, "Thanks for not making your meatless meatloaf." This brought a smile out of Harm.

"Well, I should get going, it was nice to meet you all," Jamie said, referring to Harm and Mattie.

"Do you have a ride to your hotel?" Harm asked, being the graceful host.

"Actually, Sarah and I stopped by at a car rental place after she picked me up from the airport. The car's in the driveway. Thanks anyway."

"Well, I'll walk you out, Jamie," Mac said.

As Mac and Jamie headed out, Mattie went to get ready for bed and Harm went back to work on the intercom in the den.

Outside

Harm and Mac's porch

"So, what do you think of my family?" Mac asked Jamie.

"Well, Harm certainly wasn't what I expected. For years I had a certain image of him from what you've mentioned in your letters. As for Mattie, well, clearly she's doing a lot better than how you described her in your last letter."

"What image did you have of Harm?"

"I don't know… I guess I just never thought you'd end up with him. I just thought he didn't want you. That's what I gathered from your letters anyway."

"For a while there, I didn't think so either…"

"I'm not saying you're not wantable," Jamie said, afraid that he may have offended her.

"Wantable?!" Mac repeated, laughing incredulously.

"Ok, ok, perhaps my English isn't at its best right now, but you know what I mean. Just from reading your letters, I couldn't believe how Harm could break your heart. And more than once too!"

"I did my share of hurting him too, Jamie." 

"Yeah, but when you hurt him, it was a reaction to what he did to you."

There was a silence between the two, Mac perhaps contemplating the degree of truth in those words. Jamie continued, "I mean, when he left you to go flying, what was that a reaction to? Nothing," Jamie said, answering his own question. "Flying was simply more important to him than you… I remember that time; it was one of the rare times that you actually called me. You tried your best to hide it, but I could tell by your voice on the phone that you had been crying. He really broke your heart that time, Sarah. And what did he gain from it?"

"That's all past now," Mac said weakly.

"Perhaps, but I've noticed a trend over the years, Sarah. You always came in a distant second to Harm in his life. There was always something more important than you."

"What are you trying to say, Jamie?"

"Look, the last thing I want to do is to bring you down tonight, but as your friend, I have to question your decision to marry a man who clearly doesn't love you as much as you love him."

"How can you say that? How do you measure something like love?"

"Think about it, Sarah. He only ever let you in when he needed you or he was about to lose you. I mean, wasn't that why he proposed, because he was about to lose you?" Jamie said gently. "Take Mattie for example, he only told you about her when he needed you to help him win custody of her. Not only was he the one needing the favour, he was the one telling you that it was too important for you to screw up!"

"You remember that?"

"Absolutely. I remember it so well because I was so surprised to get a call from you that night. I remember how hurt you were by what he said. You were so upset and I couldn't help but think…you know, why does she put up with all this?"

"He pushed me away from his life because I had told him that there was no hope for us. I had hurt him."

"And why did you tell him that, Sarah?" Jamie asked rhetorically. "You told him that because you couldn't stand to have your heart broken by him anymore. You were tired of the circles you two were going around and around in. It was a desperate act on your part to protect your already fragile heart. Not to mention that if I were him, I would have fought tooth and nail to keep you."

Mac laughed mirthlessly at that. "That's actually what I had hoped he'd do. That's also what I had hoped he'd do when I wore Mic's ring. But that's just not Harm."

"Sarah, you're the most beautiful woman I know, inside and out. You deserve a husband who'll love you so much more than you could possibly love him. You deserve a husband who will always put you first in his life and everything else a distant second."

"I had that once. Mic loved me a hell of a lot more than I loved him. He gave up his old life to be with me in D.C. But I was never happy, Jamie. My heart was always with Harm. You see, we don't choose who we love. Hell, I'm just lucky that he loves me, considering my past," Mac said sadly. "Besides, that's all I ever really wanted. It was simply to hear the words. A confirmation that he does love me. And I've heard them. It no longer matters to me what place I'm in; whether it's second, third or fourth. I'm just happy to be loved."

"You once told me never to settle for less than the best."

"I do have the best, Jamie. I have Harm."

"Well, that's not the way I see it!" Jamie raised his voice.

"Shhh, keep your voice down," Mac chastised.

"I'm sorry. But I mean… what makes you think he didn't just use you to help him gain custody of Mattie. You and I both know that the odds of him winning custody of her multiplied the moment the judge saw him as part of a couple."

"How can you even suggest such a thing?!"

"Look, Sarah if I don't suggest it, who will? You're too close to the situation, you would never see it if it were in fact the case. I'm more objective."

"You don't know Harm," Mac sounded slightly angry.

"Perhaps not as well as I would like. I'm just saying… Since he's met Mattie, she's become his priority. You told me so yourself," Jamie paused for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. "And that's another thing, do you really want to spend the rest of your married life coming in second to his daughter?!"

"First of all, she's our daughter," Mac said, stressing "our". "Second of all, you can't possibly think I'd be so petty as to compete for Harm's affection over Mattie. I thought you knew me better than that."

"I'm just saying you deserve better."

"You have no idea what Harm has done for me. He gave up his career to rescue me in Paraguay. Surely you remember that, it's all I wrote about during that time!"

"Yeah, but he did the same for his brother didn't he? All he proved was that he cared about you. Besides, didn't you mention to me once that he had a propensity for being the hero, for saving the damsel in distress? What he did for you was hardly a ringing endorsement of his love for you considering it was Harm."

"Look, Jamie, I appreciate you trying to look out for me, really I do…"

"I warned you about Chris too all those years ago…"

"I know, and I wish I had listened to you…"

"Well then, Sarah, don't make the same mistake again!"

"I'm not! Harm is different!"

"Look, Sarah, you're not old, but you're certainly not young anymore. I'd just hate to see you find out five years down the road that you made another mistake, and by then it'll be too late."

"Jamie, you weren't entirely off base tonight. I've accepted long ago that there are certain things in Harm's life that I'll always come second to… His flying, Mattie, whatever new obsession comes around… but he loves me… and that's good enough for me."

"You know… you'd never come second to me, Sarah," Jamie said, ever so quietly. "He doesn't need you, Sarah. Why else would he have pushed you away after Mattie's accident? He's got his daughter now, he's got his planes, and he doesn't need you. But I do know that if you were mine, I'd need you like the air I breathe."

"Umm… Jamie…" Mac started to say, clearly uncomfortable with the direction their conversation had taken.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I made you uncomfortable. What I'm trying to say is that there's a man out there who loves you, more than anything else… the way you deserve to be loved."

"Whoever that man is, I'm not interested," Mac answered honestly.

"You were never loved properly by the people in your life that should have. Not your father, not your mother, not by Chris and certainly not by most of your boyfriends. I would have thought that would have been an important criterion for you in choosing your husband. I guess I was wrong. Good night, Sarah. I'll catch ya later."

Jamie left Mac standing on the porch as he headed towards his car, unbeknownst to either of them that Harm had heard their entire conversation on the intercom.

TBC in Chapter 2

Well, what do you guys think so far? I've already made an entire outline of the story and I know what's going to happen from beginning to end, but the story itself isn't complete yet. I'm going to try and post two chapters a week. There's 8 chapters altogether plus an epilogue. Feedback is very much appreciated!


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Friday

October 14th, 2005

1630 local

Starbucks

San Diego, CA

"Thanks for coming to meet me Harriet, I didn't know who else to talk to," Harm said gratefully.

"I was glad to get out of the house, that's why I suggested we meet out here. I was kinda craving a strawberries and crème frappuccino anyway," answered Harriet.

"So where are the kids?"

"Mikey's visiting, so he offered to watch the kids for a little while."

Harriet has had a change of heart since convincing Bud to turn down both Harm and Mac's offers to work for them respectively. She had called Mac up a couple of months after Mac had arrived in San Diego and practically begged her to reconsider. She wanted their families to stay close and Harriet also realized that Bud's medical needs would be met just as well in San Diego. Bud took the job with Mac as her second in command and the children, being so young had no problems adjusting. In fact, little AJ was ecstatic to be close to his Aunt Mac again.

"How is he doing? Is he still with General Cresswell's daughter?"

"Umm… they've decided to take it slow. I guess time will tell how that one will turn out," Harriet said. "Sir, I know you didn't call me up today for idle chit chat. What's up?"

"Harriet, you're Mac's best friend…"

"Her best girl friend, sir. You're still her best friend."

"Right…" Harm smiled, slightly. "Has she mentioned anything to you about being unhappy… or anything along those lines…?"

"Not at all! The last time we spoke a few days ago she told me how excited she was about the wedding next month."

"Really?" Harm asked, still sounding unsure.

"Sir, what's the matter?" Harriet asked, concerned.

Harm then proceeded to tell her everything he had overheard the previous night. The conversation between Mac and Jamie really shook him to the core. It was bad enough that Jamie had all but confessed that he was in love with his fiancée, but what was worse was that his fiancée actually believed all the crap that Jamie had told her about Harm not loving her enough.

"What do I do, Harriet?" Harm asked, half pleadingly.

"You eavesdropped on them, sir?" Harriet asked, ignoring Harm's question.

"I didn't mean to, but I couldn't bring myself to stop listening! They were talking about me. And not in a way that I'd like!"

"I have no idea how you could possibly bring this up with the Colonel, sir. She'd be furious if she found out you were eavesdropping."

"I know, I know. I just can't believe that she thinks I don't need her, and that Mic loved her more and that she's not a priority in my life. Harriet, she _is_ my life!" Harm said, exasperated. "And who the hell does this Jamie guy think he is anyway?"

"Sir, I haven't met this guy… But I'll try to be fair in my opinion. Sir, I know how much you love the Colonel and I know that what this Jamie guy said about you was completely untrue. But perhaps he really is looking out for his old friend. I mean, whether you meant to or not, you did hurt the Colonel in the past, and more than once like the guy said. I guess from someone on the outside looking in, it may look like you don't love the Colonel as much as I know you do," Harriet paused, trying to gauge Harm's reaction. "Or… there's also the possibility that this guy is in love with her and that he's trying to plant seeds of doubt in her mind about you two… I really don't know, sir."

"Neither do I, Harriet. Neither do I. In a way, I'm glad I heard what I did. I had no idea that Mac thought this way about me, about how I feel about her. She seemed so happy to me."

"Well, she is, sir. I've never seen her happier. I guess it just doesn't matter to her how much you love her, only that you do," Harriet said, trying to cheer Harm up.

"That's not good enough, Harriet. I'm not going to risk losing Mac just because some smooth talker convinces her that he loves her more than I do."

"She's devoted to you, sir. You won't lose her. And besides, it's not possible, sir."

"What do you mean?"

"It's _not_ possible for anyone to love her more than you, sir."

"Thanks, Harriet," and for the first time that day, Harm felt a little better.

**(same time)**

**Mac's office**

Mac couldn't stop thinking about her conversation with Jamie the night before. The conversation brought up painful memories of her and Harm's past. Jamie brought up things that she and Harm hadn't even spoken about. Mac couldn't help but play the conversation over and over again in her mind, trying to categorize the pieces of the conversation and categorizing them as either: true or untrue. Suddenly, the ringing of her phone brought her out of her deep thoughts.

"Hello?" Mac answered.

"Hi, Sarah?" It was Jamie.

"Jamie… hi…" Mac didn't know quite what to say. She still felt somewhat awkward from the night before.

"Look, Sarah, I'm sorry about last night. Don't read too much into it. Though you're one of my oldest friends, I still forgot that we haven't seen each other in a long time and I guess I just got a little carried away. I'm far too outspoken, it's one of my biggest faults… but you knew that already," Jamie chuckled a bit to ease the tension.

"It's ok Jamie. I know you're just looking out for me," Mac said, relieved that it seemed Jamie hadn't developed feelings for her like she thought he might have from some of the things he said the night before.

"Always, Sarah," Mac didn't know what to say. There was a long pause until Jamie asked, "So… are we good?"

"Of course," Mac said, relieved the tension was cut.

"Anyway, I also called to ask if you'd be willing to help me out on a case I'm working on. I really could use another lawyer's point of view, and you're one of the best."

Mac had to laugh at his tactics. It wasn't the first time he tried using it in the history of their friendship. He would often try to flatter her until she gave in. "Jamie, flattery will get you… everything!" Mac said giggling. "Where did you want to meet?"

"Umm… how about Tom's Diner down the street from your office? You know the place?"

"Yeah, I have lunch there sometimes. When did you want to meet?"

"How about in a half hour?"

"Ok, did you want me to bring any notes? Any of my past cases?"

"No, I just want your opinion. See ya in a bit!"

**(half an hour later)**

**Tom's Diner**

The waitress had just brought Mac and Jamie's orders. Mac was engrossed in the case file that Jamie had brought.

"Jamie, I have to admit, I'm not an expert on insurance fraud, but I think that your client should definitely make an offer to settle. I mean it says here under their policy that leukemia falls under the category of terminal illness and therefore as an insurance company they have to pay out. It may very well have been the case that the boy died because your client failed to uphold their end of the deal," Mac said, very much intrigued by the case he brought.

Mac couldn't have known that the case had nothing to do with why Jamie had called her. She had no idea that he hadn't given up on her yet.

"You know Sarah, I was thinking the same thing. I'm glad your opinion matches my own. But I'm not surprised, we're usually on the same page you and I."

"Well, great minds think alike," Mac said cheerfully, missing Jamie's not-so-subtle hint. "Anyway, I have to get going, I want to spend some quality time with Harm and Mattie before it's bedtime. I've barely seen them all week. Work has just been so hectic. Look at me, I don't even have any make-up on I haven't had the time!"

"It doesn't matter, you're always beautiful, Sarah," Jamie said. He noticed how she blushed at his compliment.

"Please, Jamie, you don't have to flatter me anymore, I've already looked through your case," Mac said, teasingly.

"I wasn't joking, Sarah," Jamie said, seriously. "I had forgotten how beautiful you were until I saw you again yesterday."

"Jamie… I… I have to go…" Mac said, knowing full well that Jamie wasn't joking around anymore.

Jamie blocked Mac's path. For a second there, Mac looked like she was a deer caught in the headlights. "Jamie… what… do you…"

"Let me make you happy. I love you more than he does," Jamie said, quietly, almost pleadingly.

"Oh, Jamie…" Mac said, not quite sure how to respond. "You don't really feel that way…"

"I've felt that way about you since the beginning… but with your alcoholism, and then Chris, and then you joining the Marines… I just never got the opportunity. It was just never the right time. By the time I saw you again in Portland, you were clearly smitten with your partner," Jamie paused, unsure how to continue. "When I saw you again yesterday at the airport after all these years, I had no idea all these feelings would come flooding back."

"Jamie… I'm engaged!"

"Since when has that stopped you?!"

Mac fought the urge to slap him. Since the night before, Mac had given him the benefit of the doubt that he was just looking out for her. But now, she felt like he's stepped over the line. "What did you say?"

"Had Harm told you he loved you while you were engaged to Mic, you would have run to him with arms wide open. You told me so yourself."

Mac had told him that, years ago. She didn't know what to say for a moment there. "Look, Jamie, the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings… we've been through a lot together…"

"Yes we have! I'd never let you down, Sarah. Not like him. You would never have to share my attention with anyone. You'd be my only obsession."

"I don't want to be anyone's obsession. You may think you know me, Jamie, but I've changed so much from the person I was the last time you saw me. I'm not the love-starved teenager you once knew. I'm no longer willing to sell my soul just to be loved. I've learned my lesson."

"Have you really? I had warned you about Chris, but you were either too drunk or too stubborn to listen to me and look what happened!"

At this point people around the diner began staring at them. Mac knew she had to end this conversation. She genuinely liked Jamie. He had been a good friend to her and she wasn't about to forget all the good things he had done for her because of one evening where he seemed to have lost all his senses.

"Jamie, you're one of my oldest friends, and that's probably why I let this conversation go as far as it did. But for the sake of our friendship… drop it," Mac said, her voice deadly serious.

Mac turned to leave and walked out of the diner, but Jamie followed her outside to her car.

"I don't understand, Sarah. You insist on being with a man who has broken your heart time and time again! Add to that, he's got so much baggage!"

"I've got baggage too, Jamie!"

"Exactly, Sarah, and that's why it wouldn't work between you two. You need a man who can focus on you. Not someone whose baggage adds to your own."

"What in the world are you babbling about?"

"His search for his father nearly got you killed! That's a crap load of baggage if you ask me! But like a loyal golden retriever, you followed him anyway. How about his obsession with proving that he's still a hotshot pilot? He left you for that, or have you forgotten? It was because of all his problems in his past that he broke your heart in Australia. What was it, because you looked too much like his ex? Or take Mattie for example, how conducive is it to start married life by having to be some handicapped teenager's caretaker? Her medical expenses becomes your own too. How considerate of Harm to think about that when he asked you to marry him!"

"Well that's what a marriage is, Jamie. Problems are halved and the happiness is shared. I knew all about Harm's "baggage" when I agreed to marry him."

"You really are a glutton for punishment. Do you get a certain satisfaction from being hurt by the men in your life? I guess your father made you so use to it that you no longer know how to live life without the hurt. Is your self worth really so little that you'd settle with a man who would always puts you last in his life?"

Mac couldn't help herself. She slapped him across the face. The comment about her father had hurt her more than her pride would ever let her admit. She didn't even wait for a reaction from Jamie. She got into her car and drove away.

TBC in chapter 3

Ok, I really hope you guys like where the story's going, or at least I hope I've kept you interested. Please let me know what you think. The next chapter will have a long talk between Harm and Mac. By the way, I looked over my outline again and I made a mistake. As of now, the story will have a prologue, 9 chapters and an epilogue. Of course I can change that at any time if I feel like I can't finish the story in that many chapters. Oh yeah, a very kind reader informed me that Top Gun's no longer located in California (a big boo boo from me), let's just all imagine for the sake of my story that Top Gun's still in CA. Thanks again for all your feedback. It keeps me going. Suggestions are welcome as well.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Friday

October 14th, 2005

2130 local

Harm and Mac's house

San Diego, CA

It had been an hour since Mac got home from the diner. Her mind was still reeling from what had happened. A part of her felt bad about hitting Jamie. She realized she had done it because what he had said had hit a little too close to home. But she still felt awful. In all the years that she had known Jamie, she would never have guessed that he felt that way about her.

In a way, her heart reached out to him. She knew what it was like to love someone so much and not have that person return that love. It was how she felt with Harm for so many years; Just a friend, but never anything more than that. She remembered the heavy ache in her heart each time Harm loved another woman. Was that how Jamie was feeling at the moment? She wouldn't even wish that feeling on her worst enemy. Mac was so deep in thought that she hadn't noticed that Harm was trying to get her attention.

"Mac, earth to Mac? Where were you just now?" Harm asked coming out of the bathroom in his boxers, ready to get into bed.

"Oh, nowhere… sorry, I just had a long day today," Mac said as she put on her nightgown.

"I called you at work today and Jen told me you left a little early. I was actually a little worried. You forgot your cell phone and I couldn't get a hold of you."

"I'm sorry, I forgot to call you and let you know that I was meeting Jamie after work. He asked me to look at one of the cases he's working on."

"Jamie, huh?" Mac wasn't quite sure what to make of Harm's tone of voice.

"Yeah, his client's an insurance company that's being sued for fraud. It was actually an interesting case…" Mac trailed off.

"That was it, huh?"

"More or less," Mac knew that Harm didn't believe her. He knew her too well.

"Oh yeah? Then why so pensive?"

"I'm not being pensive."

"So you just didn't hear me call you four times because… what… you're losing your hearing?" Harm said, half jokingly.

"Look, Harm, it's getting late, I just want to go to bed," Mac said sounding defeated.

"Mac, look I know something's bothering you, please talk to me. Remember, we promised not to keep anything from each other anymore?" Harm said, taking her hand in his.

Mac didn't want to get into a long discussion with Harm at the moment. And she knew that it would indeed turn into a long discussion if Harm found out what Jamie had said to her that night. "I'm really tired, Harm. I don't want to get into anything now."

"Mac, please don't push me away," Harm pleaded. Mac could see the hurt in his eyes. She couldn't hurt two men in the same night could she?

"Harm, really, it was nothing. Jamie told me something today…" Mac wasn't quite sure how to say it, but continued anyway, unsure of how Harm would react. "Jamie told me that… well… that he loves me."

"He told you that he loves you," Harm said, not sounding at all surprised. Mac thought that maybe he misunderstood her.

"That he's _in_ love with me."

"I see…" Harm said. He had a faraway look in his eyes that Mac wasn't quite sure how to interpret.

"Say something, Harm."

"What did you say to him?"

"I told him that he doesn't really feel that way and that he's just mistaken."

"That's it?" Harm asked, incredulously.

"I also told him that I was engaged and that I didn't want to lose him as a friend so I told him to drop the subject," Mac said, defensively.

"And that's all you said to him?"

"What else was I supposed to say?"

"How about that you love me and not him!"

"I did say that… sort of…" Mac answered. Mac paused for a moment thinking back. "But I did tell him that I loved _you_!"

"Why didn't you tell him that you didn't love him?"

Mac thought for a moment before answering. "I didn't tell him because I didn't have the heart to tell him."

"Why, because you have feelings for him?!" Harm asked, sounding so insecure.

"No, because he knows that I don't love him… deep down, he should know," Mac paused. "Harm… to hear the person you love say the words 'I don't love you' is one of the most painful things a person could go through. It's even worse than being betrayed, because at least then you'd have hate and anger to mask your pain. I couldn't do that to him."

After a moment, Harm said softly, "You sound like you're speaking from experience."

"All those years when you couldn't tell me that you loved me felt like you were telling me "I don't love you." I wouldn't wish that feeling on anyone, Harm," Mac said, unable to hold back her tears.

Her words broke Harm's heart, and for a moment, he hated himself for all the pain he's ever caused her, especially when all she ever wanted was to love him and be loved in return.

"Mac, honey, come here," Harm said gathering her in his arms. "I'm so sorry that's how I made you feel. You have to believe me that it wasn't my intention. Mac, I really don't remember a time when I didn't love you."

"I know, Harm, and I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. I'm just saying that's why I didn't tell Jamie out right that I didn't love him. There's a difference between knowing something deep down and actually hearing the words. I probably should have told him… but I really didn't have the heart."

"Mac, you're giving this guy way too much credit…"

"No, Harm, you don't understand. Jamie's been a really good friend to me, especially back in high school. When my other friends turned away from me because of my alcoholism, he was the only one who stood by me. He really was the only friend I had that wasn't a drunk like me… And he always looked out for me, especially when Chris came along. He warned me about him, but I didn't listen… I wish I had. I only found out today it was because he loved me. And that's why I can't hold this against Jamie because people do things they normally wouldn't do when they're in love."

"No, this guy is trying to manipulate you, Mac. And it seems to be working too because you seem to believe all the crap he's been telling you!"

"How is it manipulative when someone tells you they're in love with you?" Mac asked, genuinely confused. "And what "crap" are you talking about? That he loves me?"

Harm all of a sudden had a panicked look on his face. He realized that he had said too much and had to come clean with Mac.

"Look, Mac… last night when Jamie had dinner here, I heard your conversation with him out on the porch."

"You what?"

"I didn't mean to, I was in the den trying to fix the intercom and I just overheard everything."

"So you _accidentally_ overheard a twenty minute conversation, Harm?" Mac said sarcastically.

"I just…" Harm didn't know what to say.

"I can't believe you eavesdropped, Harm!" Mac said, furious.

"I'm sorry, but I… I'm sorry, but I'm glad I did."

"What?!"

"I heard things from you last night that I couldn't believe!"

"Me?! What did I say? Jamie did most of the talking."

"You actually believed the garbage he was spewing!" Mac just looked at Harm blankly. "Oh, come on, Mac, you believed almost everything he said about you being second best in my life. You all but told him that Mic loved you more than I ever could! You told him that you had "accepted long ago" that you'd always come second to my "obsessions"."

"I was defending you to him, Harm!"

"I know… I know…" Harm said, sounding defeated. "But you believed all those things you said too. Do you have any idea how… way _off _base you are?!"

"What does it matter, Harm? Why does it matter whether or not I believe there are things more important in your life? That's the way it's always been Harm and I'm not deluded enough to think it will ever change. I love _you_, and I know that you love me… I really don't care about the details beyond that. So please, Harm, just drop it!"

"No, I'm not going to drop it! I'm not going to drop it because you're wrong. First of all, I'm not going to let you go on believing something that's not true. Second of all, I'm not going to risk losing you because you didn't think I loved you enough," Harm paused, looking for a reaction, but got none. "Mac, you're a very beautiful and desirable woman… I've told you that before. You steal men's hearts just by being in their line of sight. I'm not going to risk losing you to some fancy talking Casanova who'll convince you that he can love you more than I ever could. It's a constant fear that I have, Mac. I can't lose you."

"That could never happen, Harm."

"I'm not so sure, Mac. I've never been good with words, not when it relates to my feelings. You know that better than anyone. But I've learned now that… well… Mic won you over because he said the right things at the right time. And the same with Webb, he gave you the words that I wasn't able to…"

"But you've _given_ me the words, Harm. You've told me that you loved me!"

"I know… I'm just saying that… you've been so easily swayed by words before…"

"I'm not gullible and I won't be so easily manipulated!" Mac said, a hint of anger in her voice.

"History has proven otherwise, Mac."

Mac felt like she'd been slapped. Harm was right; she had been easily wooed by grand gestures and words of undying love in the past. The truth always hurts the most she surmised.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Harm. I can't very well prove to you that I would never leave you now can I?" Mac said, tiredly. "Listen, I don't want to fight with you. I'm tired. I'm going to go check on Mattie and then I'm going to bed. I don't want to argue anymore tonight."

And with that, Mac walked out of their bedroom before Harm could say anything.

**Mattie's room**

"Hey Mattie, did you need anything before we turned in for the night?" Mac asked, glad to speak to someone who didn't know what was going on between her and Jamie (and Harm) at the moment.

"No, I'm alright. But thanks, Mac."

Mac turned to leave, but Mattie stopped her. "Mac, is everything ok?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. Why do you ask, Mattie?"

"Well, your eyes are red… and umm… I heard yelling in yours and Harm's room," Mattie answered sheepishly.

"Oh, that… It was nothing, Mattie. Certainly nothing you have to be worried about," Mac said, trying to reassure the young girl.

"Was it a big fight?" Mattie asked, very concerned. "It must've been. You've been crying, I can tell."

"It wasn't really a fight, Mattie. We just… Harm and I were having a difference of opinion."

"You guys have always had differences of opinion since you've gotten together, but you've never cried before…"

"Mattie really, it was nothing. I'm not even sure why I got so emotional," Mac said, smiling more for Mattie's sake than her own.

Mattie fiddled with her blanket for a moment, wanting to say more.

"It's just… I don't want you and Harm to break up. Everything's just been so much better since you came into our lives and I mean _really_ came into our lives. I don't mean when you and Harm were just friends. I feel like I really belong to a family now. And I've never seen Harm so happy. You do that to him, you know Mac."

"Oh, Mattie, you don't have to worry about anything…"

Mac couldn't finish her sentence because Mattie interrupted her. "I mean, even after you convinced my dad to let me stay with Harm, that first time I met you… Well, he wasn't really happy. I'd always see him lost in thought. I knew he was thinking about you. Harm's been like an altogether different man since you two got engaged."

"I promise you Mattie, I'm not leaving Harm. We're not breaking up."

"I know… I guess I just… wanted to thank you for everything. You never once made me feel like I was in the way. You've accepted me like your own daughter right from the start…"

"What were you expecting, an evil stepmother?" Mac said teasingly.

"No… but I'm old enough to understand that having a teenage daughter, and a handicapped one at that is not the most ideal situation for newlyweds. And you've never once complained."

"You're not a burden, Mattie. Don't ever think of yourself that way. Besides, I like having you around. I'll always have someone to help me gang up on Harm," Mac and Mattie both giggled at that.

"You know Mac, after my mother died, I never thought I could ever think of anyone else as my mom… but I've found myself thinking of you in that way." Mac was so touched by what Mattie said it brought fresh tears to her eyes. "Thanks for taking me in, Mac. I mean, I know you did it for Harm… but thanks anyway. You're a good mom, Mac."

"I'm glad you think so Mattie," Mac said turning to leave. "And you know something… Harm just beat me to you. I would have done the same thing he did if I had met you first. You remind me a lot of me back in the day. And who knows, I may have turned out a lot differently if I had had someone to help me out when I was younger."

"Well, I'm glad you turned out just the way you did, and I'm sure Harm does too."

"Thanks Mattie."

"Oh and Mac, please don't be mad at Harm. He's always so miserable when things aren't well between you two. Besides, tomorrow's Saturday, so that means he's going to be home most of the day. We don't really want a bear around the house do we?" This brought a laugh out of Mac as she walked back to her bedroom.

TBC in chapter 4

Ok guys, thanks for sticking with me. Chapter 4 will really pick up the pace I promise. I hope you've liked everything so far. I'll definitely get chapter 4 up before the weekend. Thanks very much for the feedback. Keep 'em coming!


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Saturday

October 15th, 2005

1545 local

Harm and Mac's house

San Diego, CA

Mac had avoided Harm the whole day. She knew that she had cut their conversation short the night before and that Harm still had more to say. And she knew him too well. He wouldn't drop it until he got his say. He was like a dog with a bone. She simply didn't feel like she had the energy for another discussion like the one they had the night before. So she took the path of least resistance; she avoided him.

So now she found herself folding clothes in the laundry room where she's been for the past hour and a half. She could have chosen to do a dozen other chores; however, the laundry room was in the most secluded area of the house, the most ideal place for her at the moment considering her mood.

Her almost-husband however, knew her too well and wouldn't let her get away with her 'escape and evade' tactics that she's tried on him one too many times.

"If I didn't know any better, I would think you were hiding from me, Marine." When Mac didn't answer, Harm pressed on, "I thought we were way past avoiding each other, Mac."

Mac could clearly make out the hurt in his voice and immediately felt bad for being the cause of it. "I'm sorry, Harm. I wasn't so much avoiding you as I was avoiding another fight."

"Wow, my Ninja-girl, avoiding a fight?! I think I've entered the Twilight Zone!" Harm said, trying to lighten the mood.

Much to Harm's delight, it brought a smile out of Mac. "I'm always up for a good argument with you, Harm… but not a fight and most especially not about… us."

"Look, Mac, I'm not looking for a fight, but you didn't play fair last night. You walked out on me before I could have my say. You… umm… have a habit of that you know, walking out on me before I can have my say."

"Our conversation was going around in an endless loop, Harm. I was tired and in my opinion there wasn't anything to fight about to begin with… except perhaps for your eavesdropping the other night."

"I told you, I was sorry about that."

"Are you really?"

"… Ok, not entirely," Harm said, sheepishly. "It just… it hurts me to think that you think that I think so little of you."

"I think that's one too many "thinks", Harm. I feel like I'm in a crossover between 'Friends' and 'Days of Our Lives'."

Harm ignored her dry attempt at a joke. "You know what hurts the most, Mac? The fact that I would never have found out you felt that way if I hadn't overheard."

"You mean 'eavesdropped'?"

"Damnit, Mac, stop trying to evade the real topic here."

"You want to talk about 'hurt', Harm? Well, I'm hurt that you're angry at me for things that are out of my control. Can I help it if Jamie's in love with me?"

"That's not the reason I'm upset and you know it, Mac!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot you're also upset because I didn't have it in me to break his heart and tell him to his face that I don't love him!" Mac said, sarcastically.

"I'm hurt and angry that you told Jamie things about us that you haven't even talked to me about! I'm upset that you're allowing yourself to be manipulated by some guy professing his undying love for you… again," Harm hissed.

"How dare you --"

But Harm wouldn't let her finish. "Well, it's true and you know it! The truth always hurts the most, Mac. And that's why it hurts so much for me to find out that you think you're merely a convenience to me."

"I don't think that, Harm!"

"Well, that's what Jamie kept telling you on the porch that night, and you seemed to believe every word he said."

"Not this again, Harm, please."

"How, Mac? How can you think that there's anything more important to me than you?! How can you believe the garbage that that guy's been feeding you?"

"Maybe because everything he said was true," Mac answered so softly that Harm almost didn't hear her… _almost_.

Harm felt like he got the wind knocked out of him. Even after all these years no one had the power to hurt him more than Mac.

She regretted the words the moment she said them. A part of her wanted to take them back. A great part of her mind knew it wasn't true. But a bigger part of her heart hadn't yet forgotten all the times the man before her had broken her heart. From the time he left her to go flying, to the time he pushed her away in Australia, to the time he told her to go to him only for her to end up in the rain watching him hold Renee, to the time he hadn't trusted her with information about Lt. Singer and his brother, to the time that he hadn't even told her about Mattie until he needed her help, and to when he pushed her away after Mattie's accident. It dawned on her that Harm wasn't the only one who had problems 'letting go' so to speak.

"What can I do, Mac? What can I do to prove to you that that's not true?" Harm practically pleaded with her. "Because I'm lost, Mac! I have no idea. If Paraguay wasn't enough to convince you, then what is?! I know I've hurt you in the past, Mac, and I've made a vow to myself to spend the rest of my life making that up to you. But you have to believe me… all that crap in my past that didn't allow me to let go is long gone now. You're my whole world, Mac… What do I have to do to convince you of that?"

Mac had no idea what to say to that. Even if she did, she wouldn't have had a chance to say anything because her cell phone interrupted them.

"Colonel MacKenzie," Mac answered her cell phone.

"Hello, Sarah, it's Jamie. I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time," said the voice on the other end of the line.

He couldn't have called at a worse time Mac thought. "Actually Jamie, now's not a good time…" Mac ignored the glare she got from Harm after he heard who was on the phone.

"Sarah, I know you're upset with me, and I don't blame you, but please give me another chance."

"Jamie I…"

"I'm leaving for Chicago soon and I just can't go without patching things up with you."

"Look, Jamie I understand, really…"

"Then you wouldn't mind meeting me for a drink… just to talk… I don't want you to hold a bad opinion of me, Sarah."

"Umm… I don't think that's such a good idea, Jamie…" Mac trailed off, unsure. A part of her wanted closure with Jamie from the day before, but another part of her just wanted to put the whole thing behind her and forget it ever happened.

"Please, Sarah… I just need to know that we're still friends and I just want to see you one last time before I go. Just for some peace of mind."

"Ok, I guess I could do that," Mac said, relenting.

"Great, meet me at my hotel restaurant in a half hour?"

"Ok then, I'll be there," Mac said, then hung up.

"Be where, Mac?" Harm asked, knowing he wouldn't like the answer one bit.

"Jamie's leaving for Chicago and he wants to see me before he goes."

"And you're going?" Harm asked, incredulously.

"I'm sure he just wants to apologize, Harm."

"No way, Mac! This guy's just going to take one last shot at trying to win you over. He doesn't _want_ to apologize. He _wants_ you!"

"It doesn't matter whether or not he wants me, Harm because I don't want him! Or do I not have a say in the matter anymore?" Mac said, exasperated.

"Don't go, Mac, please. There's something about this guy I don't like. I don't trust him."

"Of course you wouldn't, he's in love with your fiancée. But you trust me, don't you, Harm?"

"You know I do, Mac… but still…"

"I'm just going to say goodbye to him, Harm, that's all. I don't have so many friends that I can afford to lose the ones I _do_ have. Please understand."

As Mac turned to leave, Harm realized that she hadn't answered his question because her phone interrupted them. "Hey, Mac… we umm… didn't finish our conversation."

"We'll finish it, Harm, I promise. But right now I think it's for the best that I go and give us some space before either of us says something we'll really regret. You and I know we've made saying hurtful words into an art form," Mac said, sadly. "I won't be long… and Harm…"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

**Jamie's hotel**

**30 minutes later**

Jamie greeted Mac as she walked through the hotel lobby towards the restaurant. Mac noticed immediately that Jamie was dressed to impress. He was wearing what looked like a black Caraceni suit. His shoes looked like they were Edward Green, made from the finest dark oak calfskin. Mac figured the clothes he had on him was well worth around $8000. She knew that with the kind of clients Jamie worked with that he could easily afford them. Her time with Dalton Lowne had given her a crash course on designer men's wear, not that it had ever impressed her. For her, it would always be dress whites.

"Sarah, thanks again for coming, you don't know how much this means to me," Jamie said as he led her to their table.

Mac noticed the women in the restaurant eyeing Jamie and giving her envious looks. He was after all a very attractive man. He was tall, well-built, blonde-haired and blue-eyed with a killer smile. But it occurred to her that while his smile was devastatingly handsome, it was cold, where as Harm's smile always warmed her to the core.

After their drinks arrived, Jamie asked Mac, "So have you thought about what happened at the diner yesterday?"

"Yes, and Jamie I'm sorry I slapped you. What you said about my father had hurt, but it hurt as much as it did because it was mostly true," Mac said.

"It's ok, Sarah. Your fiery spirit's what I've always loved about you," Jamie said. "Did you tell Harm what happened?"

"Most of it…" Mac trailed off.

"Good," Jamie said smugly.

"What do you mean?" Mac said clearly confused.

"I want Harm to know where I stand and that I'm not backing down."

"I don't understand, Jamie, what are you talking about?" Mac said clearly confused. She came to meet him expecting an apology, not all this cryptic talk.

"I'm going to fight for you Sarah, something Harm never did," Jamie said, deadly serious. "I'm going to make sure you never doubt my love for you, like you always have with Harm."

"No! Jamie, I want you to stop this! I came here because I wanted to salvage our friendship and to not let this one incident come between us. I agreed to meet you here in the name of friendship and nothing more. Why is that so hard for you to understand? I'm with Harm and I love Harm."

"You never said you didn't love me."

"I didn't want to be mean," Mac said, flippantly.

"Here, this is for you," Jamie said, slipping an envelope to Mac.

Mac wanted to push the envelope right back at him and tell him she wasn't interested. The last thing she wanted to do was encourage his behaviour, but the curiosity in her won out and she opened the envelope. Inside was a first class plane ticket to Chicago.

"What's this?" Mac asked.

"I want you to come with me. I know that if you got to spend a little time with me you'll know that you and I belong together. All you need is to remember the good times we had. Come with me," Jamie said, clearly proud of his idea.

"You're delusional, Jamie," Mac said, realizing clearly for the first time that the problem with Jamie went way beyond that of a lingering childhood crush. "If you think that I'm going to leave my family to have an affair with you, then you really need help."

"You were willing to leave Mic for Harm," Jamie said, clearly confused.

"Yeah, _for Harm_."

"Look, Sarah, I can provide you with a much better life than Harm ever could. How much does a Navy pilot make anyway? I can buy you anything you want! You name it and I'll have it for you in the blink of an eye."

"Harm and I may not make nearly as much as you do, but we make a decent living."

"But with me you'll never have to work."

"But I like working!" Mac said exasperated.

"Okay then, you can do whatever you want, as long as we're together," Jamie said, reaching for Mac's hand.

Mac quickly pulled her hand back but Jamie roughly grabbed it back again knocking her drink to the floor. This caused the patrons in the restaurant to look at them. Mac saw the wild fury in his eyes and for the first time ever, she was afraid of her childhood friend.

"Is everything alright here?" the restaurant's manager approached them and asked, clearly unhappy that the other patrons in his restaurant were being disturbed.

"Yes of course, how clumsy of me," Jamie answered, quickly switching back to his charming self.

The restaurant manager being a man wasn't immediately swayed by Jamie's smile. "Ma'am, is everything ok?" He asked, wanting Mac's version.

"Umm… yes, I was just leaving," Mac said.

Mac rushed out of the restaurant with Jamie hot on her heels. "Sarah, wait! Wait! We're not finished!" Jamie yelled.

But Mac didn't stop. She went straight to her car and drove away. The whole drive home Mac couldn't believe the side of her friend that she had seen. There was something maniacal behind the rage and fury in his eyes for the split second that she saw it. It had frightened her. She was ashamed to admit it. Mac realized that she never really knew her friend at all.

TBC in Chapter 5

Thanks for sticking with me everyone! My goal for this story is two chapters a week at least and so far I've been able to do just that. Thanks so much for all the feedback you guys have given me. It's food for my soul  Anyway, this chapter's setting up the big showdown that I alluded to in the prologue. There's more to come after what happened in the prologue so stay tuned. Feedback is always welcomed and greatly appreciated. Oh yeah, I can also imagine how much you guys are hating Jamie right now, but I'll promise you, he'll get his comeuppance 


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Sunday

October 16th, 2005

0830 local

Harm and Mac's house

San Diego, CA

The day before had been like an emotional rollercoaster ride for Mac. Her argument with Jamie in the diner two days ago should have alerted her to the fact that Jamie's infatuation with her went way beyond that of a childhood crush. Having been his friend for such a long time, she had given him the benefit of the doubt. Her judgement had been greatly clouded by the fact that she had sympathized with him. But the incident at the hotel restaurant changed all that. Jamie had scared Mac, plain and simple and she was not an easy woman to scare.

Jamie had roughly grabbed her; the bruises still visible on Mac's hand. If it had been any other man, Mac would have probably decked him. But Mac was so taken aback by the fact that it was Jamie, someone she had considered a dear friend, that she didn't react like she normally would have. It broke her heart with the way things turned out with him. After what happened at the restaurant she knew that there was no way she would ever see or talk to him again. She was angry at him, yet it saddened her to lose him as well, because when she thought of him, she also thought of the young gangly boy that she had befriended more than two decades ago.

But Mac understood that he had a problem, a very serious one and that trying to patch up her friendship with him would not only be futile but may very well be dangerous. Mac is not the type of person to see things that are not there. She was very sure that she saw rage and madness in his eyes when he violently grabbed her the day before. She shuddered to think what would have happened if they hadn't been in a crowded area.

After she got home from the restaurant Mac could tell that Harm knew she was upset, but bless him, he just gave her a hug. He didn't ask her anything, he didn't even say "I told you so". He just held her. Mac felt so foolish that she fell for a lot of Jamie's diatribe that she couldn't bring herself to look at Harm. She understood now that it had been Jamie's way of driving a wedge between her and Harm. And she had almost fallen for it, much to her shame.

Now here she was, lying in bed, trying to gather her thoughts and make sense of the past twenty four hours. She was comforted by the thought that she would never have to see Jamie again. He was set to leave for Chicago and she knew that she would never willingly go to him again. She could put this past week well enough behind her.

Mac's thoughts were interrupted by Harm stirring next to her. "Hmph… g'morning, honey," Harm mumbled with one eye open. "Did my snoring wake you?"

"You know you don't snore, Harm. Besides, I never really slept," Mac said, kissing Harm on the nose.

"Well then, if it wasn't my snoring then I'll take a guess that you were thinking about your meeting with… um Jamie… yesterday?" Mac could only nod. "Wanna talk about it, Mac?"

"There's umm… not much to talk about."

"Then just tell me what little there is to talk about. Whatever it was it upset you, and I hate to see you so upset," Harm encouraged Mac.

"Well, you were right. He wanted to try one last time to win me over," Mac thought she would see satisfaction on Harm's face for being right, but she saw only sadness for her. "I told him that there was absolutely no chance for us."

"How did he take that?" Harm asked, pulling Mac close to him.

"He wouldn't take "no" for an answer, but I think by the time I left he had no choice but to accept it."

Mac decided against telling Harm the whole truth of how Jamie had violently grabbed her and scared her in the process. She was afraid of how Harm would react. She was sure that if Harm knew what truly happened that he would not let it go and that Jamie would be a dead man, so to speak. The last thing she wanted was for her husband-to-be to end up with assault charges or a lawsuit against him.

"What about that made you so upset, hon?"

"Well, he didn't take my answer too well and I think our friendship is over. I know I'll never see him again," Mac said. Although Mac could see the sympathy in Harm's eyes, she could also tell that he was relieved that Jamie was out of their lives.

"I'm sorry, Mac. I know that you considered him a good friend to you."

"Thanks for understanding, Harm," Mac said, giving Harm a hug. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Harm laughed at that. "I think the last time someone said that to me they were running for the door!"

Mac laughed at Harm's attempt at a joke. She understood it for what it was, and it was to make her laugh. For the first time in a couple of days, she felt light hearted again.

For a few moments, Harm and Mac just held each other in silence, simply enjoying the familiar comfort they found with one another. After a while, Mac broke the silence.

"Harm… I owe you an apology."

"Mac, really you don't. I…"

"No, Harm I do, please let me," Mac said, gently putting her thumb on his lips to keep him from interrupting. "I said things to you that I know hurt you. I also should have listened to you about Jamie being manipulative… I realized now that he probably said those things thinking he could take me away from you. I think now that he never really was looking out for me, the way I thought he was."

"I'll admit, it hurt, Mac. But I can also understand how you could see it that way. After all, he was your childhood friend," Harm said. "And in all fairness to you, a part of me was jealous."

"Jealous?" Mac asked incredulously. "Of Jamie?"

"He's known you so much longer and during dinner that evening you two talked about stuff only you guys knew about and you guys had so many inside jokes," Harm said, sheepishly. "Not to mention he's tall, rich and handsome, add to that he's younger than me," Harm finished, pouting slightly.

Mac couldn't help but notice how adorable Harm looked pouting like a little boy who didn't get the toy he wanted. "Harm, what in the world are you babbling about?" Mac asked, ruffling his dishevelled hair. "Jamie doesn't hold a candle to you in my eyes."

"Really?"

"Ha, now you're just fishing for compliments!"

"Humour me, Mac."

"Jamie may have known me a lot longer, but you and I have been through hell to get to our heaven. We've been through so much together. You're my soul mate, not him, Harm," Mac said. "And who cares if you're older, in a bout between you and him, I'd put my money on you!"

This got Mac a hearty laugh from Harm. "Thanks, Mac. I uhh… I needed to hear that."

"Anytime, Flyboy."

"I love you, Mac."

"I love you too."

**Monday**

**October 17th, 2005**

**1655 local**

**Joint Legal Services Center**

**San Diego, CA**

Mac had had a long day at work and she couldn't wait to get home and just stretch out on the couch. She thought about just ordering dinner for the whole family when she got home. As she walked to her car in the underground parking lot with a box of files in hand, she decided that it was indeed a good idea as both she and Harm would be too tired to cook. Mac's thoughts were interrupted by footsteps behind her.

Mac looked behind her too see if there was someone there. She didn't see anyone at first, but just before she turned back, she saw a figure emerge from behind one of the cement pillars. It was dark in the underground parking lot and it took Mac a second to recognize who it was.

"Jamie?"

"You seem surprised, Sarah."

"I thought you'd be in Chicago by now," Mac said, not realizing that she was slowly backing away from him.

"You didn't think I'd leave without you, did you?"

"Actually, that's exactly what I had thought," Mac said, turning around. "Now if you'll excuse me…"

Jamie followed her and caught up just as she reached her car. "C'mon Sarah, stop playing hard to get!"

"I'm not playing at all, Jamie! What's it going to take for you to understand that?" Mac said, as she opened the back door to her car to put away her files.

"Your head is telling you to say that, Sarah, but I know your heart feels differently. We've known each other since we were practically children. What does Harm have on me huh?"

"Well, for starters he would never hurt me or scare me the way you did the other day."

"Hurt you?" Jamie asked, looking confused.

Mac didn't say anything. She just pulled up her sleeve slightly to reveal the light bruise on her wrist from where he grabbed her.

"Aww, c'mon Sarah. I thought you liked it rough," Jamie said, leering at her.

That comment infuriated Mac. She tried to slap him, but Jamie who obviously anticipated it, caught her hand before it hit his face.

"Nuh, uh, Sarah. I fell for that once… not again."

Mac pushed him out of the way, but Jamie quickly regained his footing. He grabbed Mac by her shoulders and she tried defending herself by trying to knee him in the groin. Again, he anticipated the move and easily dodged it. With Mac out of balance, he threw her on the back seat of her car.

With Jamie on top of her, he whispered in her ear, "C'mon Sarah, open your legs for me, you've done it for enough men, now it's my turn."

Mac answered him by spitting on his face which just infuriated Jamie and got Mac a smack across her cheek. Jamie then pulled out a revolver and pointed it at her neck as his other hand began working on her clothing. "Now are you going to be a little more cooperative, Sarah? I'm sure all the men you've screwed didn't have to go through all this trouble."

"Why are you doing this Jamie?"

"You once told me that it's better to ask for forgiveness than to beg for permission."

"Jamie, don't! Please, think about this. Think about what you're doing!" Mac begged. Her assailant, who had just ripped her shirt open, had her pinned under him in the back seat of her car. She was afraid to struggle in fear that he might use the gun he had pointed at her.

He began fondling her breasts. "Get your hands off me!" screamed Mac.

"I know this is what you really want Mac. I know because I love you, and you love me, you just don't know it yet," Jamie said in such a calm manner that made it nauseously creepy considering the situation.

"I don't love you. I love Harm!"

"Shut up!" he yelled, backhanding her across her left cheek. "You do love me! You do!"

Mac's attacker proceeded to unzip his pants while straddling her. Mac, knowing what his intentions were, began struggling furiously to get out from under him. It was no easy task as he outweighed her by a good 90 pounds. Despite the gun being pointed at her, Mac would have preferred a bullet to what he was about to do to her. She gathered all her strength and went for his gun.

Though surprised, he was quick and Mac wasn't able to wrestle the gun away. She fought hard for the gun, but she was in a disadvantaged position to begin with, and he was simply, physically stronger than her.

In the midst of their struggle, the gun went off.

Mac screamed as she felt the piercing pain of the bullet ripping through her shoulder. A surge of adrenaline allowed Mac to shove Jamie off her as she tried to escape. Jamie, who didn't mean to shoot her, was a little stunned himself. Before he knew it, Mac was struggling across the parking lot heading back to the building. Knowing she was going to call for help, he ran after her.

"Sarah, wait. I didn't mean it! It just went off! I swear. Sarah, wait!" The fact that Mac was slowed down because of her gunshot wound, made it easy for Jamie to catch up with her. He whipped her around throwing her on the pavement. Mac hit her head hard on the ground completely disorienting her.

"You're not going to tell on me! You hear?" Jamie yelled, shaking Mac who was struggling just to stay conscious. Jamie was about to pick Sarah off the ground when he heard footsteps approaching. He knew he couldn't run off with her anymore in her condition and that he couldn't stay otherwise he'd be caught. He also feared the possibility that Mac would turn him in to the authorities. He pulled out his gun, but he couldn't bring himself to shoot her. Instead, he pistol whipped her making sure that she stayed unconscious long enough for him to get away without the authorities knowing who was behind the attack.

Jamie left Mac lying on the pavement as he hid behind one of the cement pillars. He watched as the female officer found Mac lying on the ground, unconscious and soaked in her own blood. He could hear the officer trying to get Mac to wake up.

"Ma'am! Ma'am, please wake up! It's me Jen! Oh my God, oh my God… what happened?"

Jamie saw Jen pull out her cell phone to call for an ambulance and he took the opportunity to sneak away.

TBC in chapter 6

Ok, I owe you guys an apology. I know I said I'd try to update at least twice a week and I totally missed last week. I'm so sorry about that, but my classes got in the way. Not to mention my prof. is the most unreasonable person in the world and told me to do my assignment over again from scratch because she wasn't satisfied with it. Anyway, I'm back on track and I certainly haven't forgotten about my story. Thanks to all of you who kept e-mailing me reminding me to update. Anyway, stay tuned for my next chapter when Harm gets _the_ phone call. Please let me all know what you think 


	7. Chapter 6

Quick Note: Ok guys, I'm not a doctor please keep that in mind. If you guys try to nitpick every little medical detail in the story you're probably not going to enjoy it much. I did a bit of research, but not an extensive one. So if you could, suspend reality for a bit and just go with the flow. This warning applies to my next chapter as well. Enjoy!

**Chapter 6**

Monday

October 17th, 2005

1740 local

Harm and Mac's house

San Diego, CA

After the talk he and Mac had in bed the day before, Harm found himself feeling happy and light hearted, something he hadn't felt since Jamie came onto the scene the week before. He and Mac spent the previous day just lounging around at home and enjoying each other's company. Mattie had spent the day with Jen so he and Mac had the place all to themselves. In a way, he and Mac used the day to try to reconnect what Jamie almost severed between them. Harm was still unsure if Mac truly understood her place in his life, but at least they were once again in a good place in their relationship. Harm promised himself that he would do everything in his power to show Mac just how much he loved her.

Harm decided to start on his little promise by making one of Mac's favourite dishes, Fettuccini Alfredo with grilled chicken. Harm knew that Mac would be tired from work and most likely would just order something completely unhealthy. He had tried calling Mac at her office and on her cell for the past half an hour to let her know not to pick up anything on the way home, but the office told him that she had already left and she wasn't picking up her cell phone. Harm wasn't too worried since it wouldn't be the first time that Mac turned off her cell just to forget to turn it back on.

Harm was just finishing up the salad when the ringing of the phone interrupted his thoughts. He quickly washed his hands and answered the phone.

"Hello," Harm said.

"Sir… it's Jen…" Harm immediately felt his blood run cold at the sound of Jen's voice. Her voice was choked with tears and he had a feeling… no, he _knew _that it had something to do with Mac.

"Jen, what is it? Is it Mac, did something happen to her?" Harm asked, unable to quell the panic rising in him.

"Sir, we're at Mercy Hospital… the Colonel was shot sir… I found her unconscious at the underground parking at work…"

Harm didn't stay on the phone long enough to hear the rest. He barely managed to put his shoes on and was out the door in a matter of seconds.

1800 local

Mercy Hospital

San Diego, CA

Harm doesn't even remember getting to the hospital. It was almost like his body was functioning independent of his mind. That's really the only explanation since his mind at the moment was in a state of complete panic. He saw Jen standing near one of the nurse's desk and he ran straight to her.

"Jen! Is she…" Harm couldn't bring himself to finish.

"She's with the doctors right now, sir. They haven't told me anything yet," Jen said.

Harm had to swallow the bile rising in his throat when he saw how much blood there was on Jen's uniform. "What happened?"

"I was heading to my car when I saw the Colonel lying on the pavement unconscious and bleeding. I'm not sure where the wound was from, it was dark in the parking lot and by the time the paramedics got there I was kind of pushed aside…" Jen paused for a second, contemplating whether or not to tell Harm more. "But I heard one of the paramedics yell out that she had a gunshot wound sir… Sir, her face was cut and bruised. It looked like someone beat her."

Harm felt complete rage tempered only by his feelings of fear and anxiety over Mac's condition. For a moment he didn't know what else to do, so he went to the nurse's desk and asked if they had any news on Sarah MacKenzie. The nurse told him that he would be informed when the doctor finished treating her.

After pacing the hospital corridor for a good half hour, Harm finally slumped in a chair next to Jen. Just as he did, the door swung open, and he was surprised to see Bud and Harriet… and Mattie.

"Damn it, I completely forgot! Mattie, I'm so sorry…" Harm said, feeling even worse than he had before, that he had forgotten to pick Mattie up from school. She had stayed a little longer than usual because she had a bit of research to do for an assignment.

"It's ok, Harm. I heard what happened to Mac. Is she going to be ok," Mattie asked with tears in her eyes.

"I… I don't know. They haven't told us anything," Harm said. He then turned his attention to Bud and Harriet, "How did you guys hear?"

"Well sir, Jen called us shortly after she called you. She also told us that Mattie may still be at school so we called Mattie on her cell and we went to pick her up," Bud said, putting a hand on Harm's shoulder. In all the years Bud has known Harm he doesn't remember seeing him so distraught.

"Thanks guys, all of you. I really appreciate it."

"Sir, we're family, all of us," Harriet said, hugging Harm. "We know you would have done the same for us."

"Have you spoken to the police about this sir?" Bud asked.

And as if on cue, two tall men in police uniforms approached the group. "Who here was the one who found Miss MacKenzie?" asked the older officer.

"I did, officer," Jen answered.

"Did you see anyone else there?" asked the other officer.

"No… umm… the Colonel's backseat car doors were open… I umm… remember that. The attack couldn't have been too long before I found her because she had just left the office about fifteen minutes at that point."

"Hmm… I see…" the officer said, scribbling more notes on his pad.

"Officer, do you have any leads as to who did this?" Harm asked.

"And you are…?" the older officer asked.

"I'm Harm. I'm her fiancée."

"Really? Tell me, Harm, where were you between 1700 and 1730?" the officer asked, eyeing him up and down suspiciously.

Jen, having a feeling of where the officer was getting at, jumped in rather quickly. "Officer, I called Harm at his house the moment we arrived here at the hospital. It takes at least half an hour to get from his house to the office and that's when it's not rush hour. He didn't do it if that's what you're getting at," Jen said, barely containing her anger at what the officer might have been suggesting.

"Just covering all our bases, Miss," the officer answered nonchalantly. "Does Miss MacKenzie have any enemies that might have done this?"

"Officer, Colonel MacKenzie is a lawyer; she has defended and prosecuted many over the years. We know that there are many out there who may have a score to settle with her. We couldn't begin to tell you who may have been responsible," Bud answered, looking to Harm for confirmation. Harm nodded to the police officers in agreement.

"Alright then, we have crime scene investigators at the site right now. We'll get back to you when we have anything new, folks," and with that, the officers walked away.

Just as the officers walked away, a man in scrubs approached them. "Hi, I'm Dr. Roshan, I was the attending physician to Miss MacKenzie. Are you all her family?"

"Yes, how is she?" Harm asked, anxiously.

"Well… she's stable…" Dr. Roshan said, but Harm could tell that he wasn't satisfied with it.

"Doctor please, just tell it to me straight… I can handle it," Harm said. It was of course a lie. His well-being always depended on Mac's. If she didn't make it, it wouldn't take a genius to deduce what would happen to Harm.

"Well sir, the gunshot wound was not the problem. It was a clean shot right through the shoulders. We patched that part up and she should make a complete recovery in that aspect."

"Then what is it?" Harm asked, trying to hide the impatience in his voice.

"She suffered a severe head injury, sir," the doctor said. "We did a CT scan and she had quite a bit of bleeding in the brain in and around the temporal lobe. We drained as much of it as we could, but we won't really know the full extent of her injury until she wakes up."

"What can we expect?" Harriet asked.

"The complications can range from loss of vision, memory, motor skills… really, it's too early to tell at the moment."

"Would she be able to make a full recovery?" Mattie asked, speaking up for the first time since she got there.

"Again, I'm sorry to say that it's too early to tell. The problem with head injuries is that they're easier to treat when the patient's conscious. The blow to her head was so severe that as such, her skull was fractured from where she was hit."

This made Harm sick to his stomach that he had to put his hand on the wall to steady himself. He would kill the bastard who did this to her he swore to himself.

"Doctor, can we see her?" Harm asked.

"I don't see why not, but it'll have to be one at a time."

Harm of course was the first one to see her. He thought he had prepared himself, but seeing her lying in that hospital bed, bruised and battered with tubes and monitors attached to her, he realized that nothing could have really prepared him to see the love of his life in such a state. He felt like a vise was clamped around his heart.

"Mac, honey it's Harm. Baby, I hope you know you took about twenty years off my life… and maybe more if you don't wake up soon," Harm said softly as he sat next to her bed.

Harm looked up at the monitors. Her heart rate was steady. He wasn't a doctor, but he assumed that was a good sign. He kept talking to her.

"You know, you missed a really good dinner tonight. I was making you one of your favourites, Fettuccini Alfredo with grilled chicken and Greek Salad. I also rented a movie to watch after dinner. I rented the Sound Of Music," Harm said, chuckling lightly through his tears. "I know it's one of your favourites, that movie. You see how much I love you, Mac? I'm willing to sit through a three hour chick flick for you. And a musical at that!"

"But don't you worry about anything but getting better, ok? I'll be right here when you wake up, Mac. I'm not going anywhere."

Mac didn't stir even a little and this broke Harm's heart. "You're going to be ok, Mac, you hear me? You're going to be just fine. We're all worried sick about you. Mattie, Jen, Bud and Harriet are all outside waiting to see you… Don't you dare break their hearts, Mac," Harm said, sternly. "Don't you dare break mine."

Tuesday

October 18th, 2005

2230 local

Mercy Hospital

After Harm's mother heard about what happened to Mac, she insisted that Harm get a private room for her so that he can stay as long as he wanted which Harm's mother knew would be 24/7. Harm knew that a private room was expensive and he didn't want his mother to have to pay for it, but she had insisted and he was too drained, physically and emotionally, to argue.

Other than a few brief washroom breaks, Harm hadn't left Mac's side. If Bud, Harriet and Jen hadn't taken turns bringing him something to eat, he probably would have gone without food. Harm was thankful that Bud and Harriet gladly let Mattie stay at their home for a while. He really didn't have it in him to worry about anything else other than Mac at the moment.

There hadn't been much change in Mac's condition, but he was glad to see that the bruises on her face were beginning to fade. To add to Harm's frustrations, the police still didn't have a lead as to who did all this to Mac. Harm had spent the last twenty four hours wracking his brain thinking of who might have done this to her. He and Mac made their share of enemies over the years as lawyers. He really didn't know where to start.

His thoughts were interrupted by Mac's hand twitching in his. It was the first movement she's made since she got to the hospital and Harm couldn't help but feel a surge of hope.

"Mac, honey, wake up, it's Harm… yeah that's it," Harm said as he watched Mac's eyelids flutter.

"Hmm… Harm?" Mac asked, her voice still raspy.

"Yeah, I'm right here, I'm just going to call the doctor. Everything's going to be alright."

The doctor rushed to Mac's room immediately after Harm had him paged.

"Sarah, I'm Dr. Roshan, I was the doctor who attended to you when you were admitted," Mac only nodded at this. "How are you feeling?"

"Uhh… have umm… bit of a headache."

"That's understandable. Any problems with your vision?"

"No."

"Can you move your arms and wiggle your toes?"

Mac nodded yes.

"Any loss of sensation anywhere in your limbs?"

"No."

"That's good," the doctor said. "Your shoulder has been healing nicely too. It'll have to be in a sling for a few weeks, but that's about it. You're lucky that the bullet went right through your shoulder."

Harm smiled in relief, until he saw the frown on Mac's face.

"I was shot?" Mac asked completely confused.

"Yes, you don't remember?" Dr. Roshan asked.

"Umm… no… I don't think so," Mac replied.

"That's ok. You suffered a head injury and short term memory loss is not entirely uncommon. We'll do another CT scan just to make sure everything's ok. I'm sure when the bruising of the brain has gone down you'll be good as new," the doctor said as he jot some stuff down on his clipboard. "Tell me Sarah, what's the last thing you remember?"

"Umm… I was uhh… driving home, and I lost control of my car… I hit a tree…"

"What?!" Harm asked, incredulously.

The doctor calmly put a hand on Harm's shoulder urging him to calm down. Upsetting Mac would just be counterproductive.

"Sarah, do you know what the date is?" Dr. Roshan asked.

"Well… I don't know how long I've been out, but maybe December 25th or 26th?"

"What year, Sarah?" the doctor asked.

"2004," Mac answered, as if to say 'duh'.

Harm was at a loss for words. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. His fiancée seemed to have lost almost a year's worth of memories.

TBC in Chapter 7

Did you guys like that twist? I'm evil, I know. But don't worry, I always wrap things up nicely in my stories and things will fall into place for Harm and Mac. My next chapter will deal with the repercussions of Mac's amnesia especially in regards to her relationship with Harm. Also, we'll catch up with Jamie as well. Thanks so much for the feedback, it motivates me to write. Keep 'em coming.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Wednesday

October 19th, 2005

0900 local

Mercy Hospital

After the doctor examined Mac more thoroughly, he established that her memory loss was more extensive than was previously believed. He took Harm out to the corridor to speak to him in private. Bud, Harriet, Jen and Mattie were already there as well to visit Mac after hearing that she woke up, but the doctor asked to speak to them all in private before he let them see his patient.

"Harm, I have to admit to you that I'm a little bit lost as to what the cause of her memory loss is. It's natural for the victim of such an attack to forget about the incident itself, but it's rather uncommon for the victim to forget almost a year's worth of memories."

"So what does that mean?" Harm asked.

"It means that I'm not sure if her memory loss is the result of her head injury or if her mind is blocking some of her memories because what happened to her was too traumatic for her mind to cope with," Dr. Roshan answered.

"How long before she gets her memory back?" Jen asked.

"If it's due to the head injury, then it could be when her brain completely heals itself. There's still much bruising in that area of her brain that was injured. There's also the possibility that it simply may not come back. If Sarah herself is blocking those memories, then an incident, any incident could trigger her to remember what happened.

A show on television, a certain smell, a certain sound, someone who looks similar to her attacker, it could be anything. If that's the case, then it could even be years if she remembers, if ever."

"So then she can't tell us who did this to her," Harriet said.

"Unfortunately not yet," the doctor answered.

"Well what can we do to help her remember faster?" asked Bud.

"Actually, that's the main reason I wanted to talk to you all before you went to see her," Dr. Roshan said. "Do not do anything to help her remember. I repeat, do not help her or push her, the consequences could be grave. I've already spoken to Sarah and told her not to push herself in remembering because her mind is in a very fragile state right now. Of course, she will still ask a lot of questions, but she knows that she has to come to answers on her own."

"Why can't we help her? I don't understand," Harm asked, frustrated at what the doctor was telling him.

"You see, Harm, if Sarah has blocked certain memories as a result of the fact that her mind is unable to handle the traumatic events, pushing her to remember could very well leave her in a catatonic state. The shock and trauma might be too much for her if it doesn't come back naturally. If her memory loss is due to a physical brain injury, then pushing herself too hard might lead to a brain haemorrhage. This situation is uncommon, but not unheard of. I want to take every precaution with Sarah, please understand. I always live by the motto 'better safe than sorry' and seeing as how you all care so much for Sarah, I think you'll agree."

"Doctor, so much has changed for her in the past year. Last year we were still living in D.C. We weren't engaged at the time, hell, we weren't even together! Her billet was different. How are we going to keep this from her?" Harm asked.

"I've already explained to Sarah that almost a year has gone by from what she last remembered. She's a smart girl, I'm sure she'll accept that there's been changes since," the doctor said.

"But I don't understand, why can't we let her know the details of what's happened since?" Jen asked.

"The reason for that is, if you told Sarah something specific… for example that she's engaged to be married, her mind will naturally work overtime trying to remember the details. She will try to remember where her fiancée proposed, when he proposed, what kind of ring he gave her, what she had on, what her reaction was, what his reaction was, what her surroundings were…"

"Ok, ok, we get it," Harm said, interrupting the doctor.

"My point is, is that if you give her nothing specific, her brain won't overwork itself, and it'll have nothing to focus on specifically. At least that's what I'm hoping. Remember, in Sarah's case, answers will lead to more questions. At this point, we're going to go by the motto 'less is more' ok?" the doctor said. "I know it's frustrating, but it's only temporary, just until we know more about Sarah's condition. She already knows not to push for answers as I've told her that it could be detrimental to her recovery."

"I guess that means I can't let her know that we're engaged?" Harm said, more as a statement than a question.

"Just for the meantime, son," Dr. Roshan said, giving Harm a sympathetic look.

In the meantime

Inside Mac's hospital room

'Frustrated' didn't even begin to describe how Mac felt. It came as a surprise to her that she wasn't even in D.C. The doctor at least told her that much… that and the date. She hated feeling ignorant. It didn't help her feelings any, the fact that the doctor's outside the room with Harm right now probably telling him not to tell her anything. She wasn't stupid. She knew that something really horrible happened to her. She was bruised and battered all over, not to mention the gunshot wound to her shoulder. The last thing she remembered was her car accident… but clearly, that's not the reason why she was in the hospital.

She knew that she was missing almost a year's worth of memories. She knew that the doctor told her not to wrack her brain trying to remember, but by God, how could she not?! Was she on an assignment when she got shot? Why was she in San Diego? Harm was there too, were they both on an assignment, or did he fly across the country to be with her after hearing what happened? The latter thought brought a small smile to her face. Maybe she and Harm were closer now than they were last year. She felt a small surge of hope, but she quickly quelled it knowing that that was unlikely. From what she last remembered Harm had pretty much lost whatever interest he had left for her. Considering that it was now almost a year later, he's most certainly moved on.

Mac was surprised at the immense sadness that this thought brought to her. Logically she should have had a year to get used to it by now. There was even a possibility that Harm's not with anyone at the moment. And who knows, she may have someone in her life at the moment. But then again, if she did, where was he? Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on her door.

"Ma'am… can we come in?" Jen asked, poking her head through the door.

"Jen, of course, it's nice to see a familiar face!"

"Well, my face isn't the only one ma'am," Jen said as she walked in followed by the others.

The first thing Mac noticed was that Mattie was in a wheelchair. "Oh my God, Mattie what happened, are you alright?!"

"Oh, this… it's nothing, Mac… umm… I had an accident a while back, but I'm getting better every day. It's a long story, I'll tell you about it some other time," Mattie answered, it was obvious she hadn't anticipated how Mac would react to seeing her in a wheelchair.

"What are you guys all doing in San Diego? Did you fly all the way here just to visit me? I can't imagine all of us being on the same assignment," Mac asked, obviously forgetting what the doctor told her about asking too many questions.

"Umm… Ma'am…" Bud started.

"We're not really sure how much we're allowed to tell you," Harriet finished. "Doctor's orders and all that."

"Oh, right, I see," Mac said, dejectedly.

"But the important thing is that we're all here with you, right Mac?" Mattie said.

"You're absolutely right, Mattie," Mac said, not wanting to bring them all down. "So you guys can at least tell me about Little AJ and Jimmy, right?"

After everyone gave Mac their well-wishes, they left her to get some much needed rest. Harm though, stayed behind.

"Those are quite the eye bags you're sporting there, Flyboy," Mac said, noticing how tired Harm looked.

"Yeah, well, I'm blaming you for that," Harm said with a smile.

"Harm… what can you tell me? I'd appreciate anything…"

"Mac, the doctor was really specific…"

"Please Harm. At least tell me what I'm doing in San Diego, were we on an assignment? Is that why you're here too? Is my life in danger? I was shot after all."

"Look Mac, I really want to tell you, but I'm not going to risk making your situation worse by disobeying the doctor's orders. It'll come with time, I promise."

"Ok… Fine… But there's something I've been wondering… Am I… with someone?" Mac asked, but she quickly changed her mind, afraid of the answer. "Wait! Don't answer that, it's obvious if I were he'd be here instead of you. Stupid question."

Mac noticed Harm look away. He seemed uncomfortable. Did he feel sorry for her?

"Hey Harm it's ok. You'll do for now," Mac said, her weak attempt at a joke.

All she got was a weak smile from Harm. Mac hated being kept in the dark like this. She had a million questions. Was Harm with someone right now? Was Mattie with him, the last she remembered, she was with her dad. Would they have to go back to D.C. soon? The fact that her doctor hadn't yet allowed her to leave her bed just added to her frustrations.

"How's your headache, are you feeling better," Harm asked, changing the subject.

"It's gotten better since last night, yeah."

"Can I get you anything to eat at all?"

"I'm not really hungry, but thanks."

"My Marine, not hungry? That's a first!"

Mac couldn't help but feel touched that he referred to her as _his_ Marine. Of course she told herself not to read anything into it. She also noticed that she was in a private room. Certainly that wasn't in the budget.

"Harm, who's paying for my hospital room?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, this is a private room. My insurance doesn't cover this, and neither would the office… Harm?"

"Mac, just… don't worry about anything other than getting better ok?"

"But Harm…"

"Really, I mean it. Everything's taken care of," Harm said, gently caressing her cheek.

The surprise on Mac's face at his intimate gesture must have shown because Harm immediately pulled his hand away. She couldn't help but feel disappointment at the loss of contact.

Trying to ease the sudden tension, Mac said, "Thanks Harm, for being here for me."

"Always, Mac."

Mac noticed that Harm took off his jacket and settled himself on the arm chair next to her bed.

"Harm, aren't you going?"

"No," he said, simply.

"Really Harm, I appreciate what you're doing for me, but really I'm ok, you need to go home, you look exhausted and I can only imagine how uncomfortable that chair is for someone your size," Mac said, not wanting Harm to stay out of pity because she obviously had no one else.

"Mac, just lie back, you're not going to win this argument. I'm not going anywhere so you're just going to have to get used to me being here."

"Don't you have somewhere else to be, someone else to be with?" Mac couldn't help but cringe at how horribly obvious she was. Subtlety wasn't her specialty.

"I'm where I'm supposed to be Mac. Now, I mean this with much affection, but shut up," Harm said with a small smile.

Mac knew that Harm saw right through her. She wanted to know if he was with someone at the moment. If he was, she really didn't want to be his pity project. She was more than disappointed that he didn't answer her either way about the 'someone else' part of her question. But knowing Harm, he probably didn't want to rub his relationship in her face if he did in fact have one at the moment. For the meantime, Mac gave up her questioning and let her exhaustion take over her.

Same time

In a cheap motel

Just outside San Diego

Jamie couldn't believe his luck as he was watching ZNN news.

"… There's still no suspect in the brutal attack of Lt. Colonel Sarah MacKenzie. Investigators are looking into some of her past clients that she defended and some past defendants she prosecuted. So far, the Colonel has not named her attacker. Sources say she has no recollection of the incident…"

Jamie turned off the television. He just couldn't believe it. Things have fallen so well into place for him. He honestly believed that that was a sign from fate. He decided that it was safe for him to visit Sarah, and that was going to be his next move.

The next day

1200 local

Mercy Hospital

Mac was walking back from the washroom which her private room was equipped with when she heard Harm and Harriet talking just outside her hospital room. Her door wasn't entirely closed which allowed their voices to carry over.

"Sir, will you be postponing your wedding?"

"I don't know, Harriet. I haven't even thought about it…" Harm said. "I guess it's still on for now. Let's just play it by ear…"

Mac felt like she had been stabbed in the heart. She didn't stay to hear the rest of Harm and Harriet's conversation. She went back to bed, not trusting her own shaking legs to keep her up much longer. She sat there, frozen for a minute or two. One part of her was completely heartbroken that Harm had settled down and moved on, another part of her hated being a burden to him. Harm should probably be helping his fiancée plan their wedding, but instead, he's here taking care of her; family-less Mac. Although Mac was at least happy that Mattie would have a family again. Harm told her the night before that he got custody of Mattie, and that's why she was here as well. Mac thought for a moment about the woman who finally got Harm to settle down. It's funny, Mac thought, because even if Harm chose to marry a saint, she'd probably still hate her. She barely noticed her tears start falling. She felt entirely pathetic.

Harm walked into the room a minute later and saw the tears in her eyes. "Mac, hey what's the matter, why the waterworks?" Harm asked putting his arm around her.

Mac pulled away abruptly. "Nothing," she replied tersely. "You'd be crying too if you were in my position."

Harm chuckled a bit, not understanding the real reason. "Yeah, I probably would be. But hey, the doctor's letting you walk around the room now."

"Yay," Mac said, sarcastically.

Mac was feeling so hurt at the moment that she wanted to just lash out at Harm. She wanted to tell him to just go to his fiancée and leave her alone. She could handle things on her own. She didn't need a hero. But she couldn't bring herself to talk about it. Harm probably wouldn't say much anyway, he's been following the doctor's orders to a T. Reason and logic also prevailed and told her that lashing out at Harm would be very unfair to him. She _had_ told him "never". He had every right to move on. She really had no one to blame but herself.

"Hey, cheer up, Mac. You'll get your memory back and things will be back to normal. You just have to be patient… Now, do you want to play a game of Crazy Eights or something?"

"Not really, Harm. I'm kinda tired and I'm not really good company right now, why don't you go home, wherever that may be, and get some rest. I'm ok."

"I'm doing ok right here, Mac. I'm not going anywhere. And besides, you're the one who's hurt, it's _my_ job to be the good company."

"Harm, I really have a lot on my mind right now, and I really would prefer to be alone."

Mac didn't miss the hurt look on Harm's face. She would have thought that he'd be thrilled to get out of the hospital, but apparently not, either that or he's a really great actor.

"Mac, I really have nowhere else to go," Harm said, taking Mac's hand.

"That's hard to believe," Mac mumbled.

"What was that?" Harm asked, not quite catching what Mac said.

"I said… never mind."

Harm was about to say something more when they were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Hi, I hope I'm not interrupting anything…"

"Jamie? Is that you? Oh my god, Jamie, it's wonderful to see you!" Mac said enthusiastically. "I haven't seen you in like ten years!"

"I heard you were attacked and I couldn't believe it! I flew back from Chicago immediately to make sure you were alright."

"That means so much to me, thanks," Mac said, obviously touched.

Harm couldn't help but feel green with jealousy over how his fiancée responded to Jamie's presence. It was a lot better than her reaction to him. In fact, now that he's thought of it, she's been quite distant with him. Before Mac lost her memories she had told him that Jamie was in love with her. Jamie was not going to take advantage of Mac's vulnerable position if he had anything to say about it.

"Are you in a lot of pain," Jamie asked.

"I'm ok really. I'd just feel a lot better if I could actually get out of this room for a little while. Because of my head injury the doctor's not letting me walk for very long distances."

"Well, how about if I take you for a walk?" Jamie asked.

"No, absolutely not, she's in no condition to walk," Harm said, rather forcefully.

"Relax, I meant that she'd be in a wheelchair, and I'd push her around. Just so she can get some fresh air, just around the hospital grounds," Jamie said, a huge smile on his face.

"I think that's a really great idea, Jamie, I'd kill for some fresh air, it'll also give us a chance to catch up."

Harm hated to admit it, but Jamie's idea was actually a good one. He was pissed at himself for not thinking of it first. Now he'd have to watch the guy who's in love with his fiancée, take her out, just the two of them. Harm really wished he could just tell Mac everything and tell this guy to get lost. He wasn't stupid, he knew that since Mac didn't know that she was committed to him, that there was the possibility that she might be more inclined to Jamie's advances. Assuming of course that Jamie would stoop so low as to make a move on her knowing she's already engaged. But then again, he had the audacity to try to win her love when she didn't even have amnesia!

"Great, wait here and I'll ask your doctor if I can get a wheelchair for you, I'll be right back," Jamie said, heading out to find the doctor.

Harm followed Jamie out into the hallway. "What do you think you're doing?" Harm asked, barely able to contain his fury.

"What are you talking about, Harm? I'm just taking Sarah out for a walk, we're old friends."

"I know what kind of a friend you are. Mac told me before she lost her memory. You were trying to steal her from me, even after she told you that she loved _me _and not you."

Jamie only grinned, which pissed Harm off more. "How about we just let Sarah decide who's the better man. After all, she still has a mind of her own."

"Look Jamie, her mind is in a very delicate condition right now. Do _not_ mess with her mind. The doctor said so himself, you could cause really serious damage to her psych. Do not fill her in on the past year, she has to remember on her own."

"Harm, I'll only show her that she's got someone who cares for her."

"She's got plenty of people who care right here. She doesn't need you."

"Oh yeah, are you going to send me away now? How will you explain that to her? Surely you don't want to end up being the bad guy in her eyes. Did you see how happy she was to see me?"

"She may not know it right now, but she's _my_ fiancée. You on the other hand know it. Have some decency in you and do not take advantage of her."

"Or else what, Harm?"

"Or else you'll regret it. You can't make her love you. She'll get her memory back sooner or later, and when she does…"

"_If_ she does."

"She's _mine_, Jamie, and don't you forget it," Harm said, standing toe to toe with the guy.

"Possessive aren't we? Well, in that case, may the best man win."

TBC in chapter 8

Ok, well, good news for all you Jamie haters, we're getting closer to the chapter where Harm gets his hands on Jamie. Also, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm no expert on brain injuries or amnesia or any of that. I pretty much BSed my way through all that medical mumbo jumbo. For the sake of my story, please just ignore all that and consider it all plausible. For all you H/M lovers, don't worry they'll find their way back to each other (eventually). Other than that, thanks for reading and keep those feedbacks comin'!


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Thursday

October 20th, 2005

1530 local

Police Department

San Diego

Harm may not have joined Mac and Jamie on their walk, but he sure as hell didn't let them out of his sights. To the person from the outside looking in, he probably would have looked like a stalker. Before seeing Jamie again, it never occurred to Harm to think of him as a suspect in Mac's attack, but after talking to Jamie out in the hospital hallway, he didn't miss the look in his eyes that told Harm he might be at least capable. After Jamie left, he called Bud and asked him if he was willing to watch Mac while he left. He explained to Bud that he didn't trust Mac's friend Jamie and that he was going to ask the police to look into his background. Harm told Bud not to leave Mac and Jamie alone in case he came back. Mac never mentioned to Harm before her memory loss that Jamie was a violent guy or that he did anything to threaten her, but Harm's beginning to think that maybe Mac didn't tell him everything. Harm also hoped that it wasn't just wishful thinking on his part. He really would like to think that he's not looking for something bad in a man just because he felt threatened by him. But to him, Mac's safety came first, if it turns out that he'll owe Jamie Scott an apology, then he'll be man enough to give him one.

Now Harm's found himself at the police department talking to Detective Summers. Detective Summers was a gruff police officer around his mid fifties. He was short and stocky, but from what Harm heard, he was a good officer. Harm also knew he didn't have much on Jamie, but he at least had to bring him up as a possible suspect.

"Look, detective, I know I'm basically just going on a hunch but could you please look into this guy for me? I have a bad feeling about him."

"Mr. Rabb, according to you, your fiancée never said anything about him that should lead you to believe that he's the brutal attacker. Sure she said to you that he's in love with her, but pardon my saying so, your fiancée's a very beautiful woman… it's not exactly implausible for a red blooded male to fall for her," Detective Summers said, laughing at his own joke.

"You don't understand, there was just something about him… something about the way he looked…"

Detective Summers interrupted Harm immediately, "Son, if we go about investigating people because there was something about the way they looked… well… let's just say we don't have the man power for that and nothing would ever get done. Surely you understand."

"Sir, I just have this gut feeling…"

"Harm… I'm going to give you a piece of advice my dad gave me when I was younger and prone to making decisions based on my emotions… He told me, 'kiddo, don't think wit' yer guts! It's an insult to yer brain God gave ye!'" the detective said.

The detective didn't miss the look of pissed-off that Harm had, and decided to get more serious. "Look Son, it takes a really sick bastard to do to your fiancée what her attacker did… If this Jamie guy's your fiancée's childhood friend, someone your fiancée's trusted for many years, then he really is an unlikely suspect. Miss MacKenzie has never filed a complaint against him previous to her memory loss, and you said so yourself that she's never mentioned him to be violent. Also, wouldn't she have remembered him as her attacker the moment she saw him again?"

"It could trigger her memory, but not necessarily. And that's assuming that Mac's memory loss is psychological. If it stems from a physical brain injury then, no."

"You're really giving me very little to go on here, son. And I'm also questioning whether or not it's your own jealousy that has prompted you to come here. You do realize that it's more likely that a disgruntled former client of hers was behind the attack don't you? I'm sorry Harm, but you're giving me very little to go on here."

"I know, I know… I've wondered about that jealousy thing myself… and my fiancée did seem really sad the other day when she thought she lost her friend for good after turning him down… but please, just for my peace of mind, look into this guy for me."

"You do realize that he's most likely not our guy. And asking me to look into him is going to take me away from investigating more likely suspects don't you?"

"Yes, I know… but please… it's been my experience too that a gut feeling can trump logic and reason. Please," Harm asked.

"Alright then. But keep this in mind, I don't normally indulge such baseless accusations, but the fact that we don't really have a solid lead on anyone… I suppose I won't be wasting too much time. I'll look into him and I'll get back to you."

"Thank you officer," Harm said, gratefully.

"That's _detective_ to you, and remember, I don't expect to find anything… By the way, how is Miss MacKenzie?"

"Physically she's a lot better, but she hasn't remembered anything really."

"I'm sorry to hear that son, I can see how much you love her. But hey, I won't be a complete bastard and I'll go look this guy up for you. And before you thank me again, I'll remind you that I'm a husband and if someone did to my wife what was done to your fiancée, well, let's just say there's no rock he could hide under that I wouldn't find him. You're a good man Mr. Rabb and I will look into this for you. But I want you to know that if I don't find anything I'm not going to look into it further. I'm not going to let _gut feelings _dictate the way I run my investigations. Got it?"

"Yes detective, and thank you. You can reach me on my cell any time." And with that, Harm turned to leave.

1 hour later

Hospital corridor

Just outside Mac's room

Mercy Hospital

"Thanks again Bud for staying here with her. I really appreciate that," Harm said.

"It was my pleasure sir. So, about this Jamie guy, what's the story with him? I think Mattie mentioned that you guys had him as your dinner guest a while back. She spoke rather highly of him, said he was quite the handsome one…" Bud didn't finish what he was saying seeing the look on Harm's face.

"Mattie doesn't know the whole story. This guy tried to steal Mac from me, knowing she was already engaged. He seemed to have a hard time taking 'no' for an answer too, according to Mac."

"But you think he'd actually…"

"I don't know, Bud. But I spoke to him earlier, told him to keep his distance so to speak, but he ended up taunting me instead. It was like he knew _something_. I don't know… But anyway, I don't trust the guy."

"Sir… why don't you just tell the Colonel to stay away from him and that you don't trust him?"

"Because Bud, I don't know anything for sure. And if it turns out that my suspicions are based on nothing buy my own jealous insecurities, then Mac's really going to be pissed at me. Have you ever had a Marine pissed off at you, Bud?"

"Uhh… well…not that I can remember… but at least you're taller than her," Bud said, making Harm laugh a little.

"Anyway, I've spoken to Dr. Roshan on my way up here. He said I can begin giving Mac pieces of information. Nothing big, but little bits and pieces. Basically nothing that would shock her right off the bat. He said a little at a time."

"Well then I guess I'll leave you to that sir," Bud said, patting Harm on the shoulder and turning to leave.

**Inside Mac's room**

"Hey Ninja-girl, how're you feeling?" Harm said, stepping into the room.

"I'm feeling ok, I think I may have had some flashbacks, but nothing I can really get a grasp on."

"Oh yeah? Like what?"

"I got a flashback… Gen. Cresswell said something about my being assigned to Joint Legal Services Center, Southwest. I don't remember much else… but that's why I'm here isn't it? I live here now."

"Yeah, you live here now."

"So, can you tell me what you're doing here? In San Diego I mean, and what's the story with Mattie?"

"Well, I'm here because you're here," Harm said, rather vaguely. Mac wasn't quite sure how to interpret that. "Anyway, as for Mattie, after she got into her accident, a plane accident," Harm said, "Tom just fell off the wagon and w… er… I got custody of her."

"Oh, so you flew her down here too because she had no one to care for her back in DC?"

"Not exactly…"

"Oh… Well, why are Bud and Harriet here too?" Mac asked, changing the subject. It's been Mac's experience that Harm's never forthcoming when it comes to Mattie. She figured that once again, it was Harm's polite way of telling her that it was none of her business.

"Bud works for you now. Your second in command," this brought a smile to Mac.

"Well, at least I'm not entirely alone here," Mac said. "Anyway, you left so quickly earlier I never got to introduce you to my old friend Jamie."

"Actually, we've already met," Harm said, non too happily.

"Oh really? Anyway, it was nice to catch up with him. We've kept in touch by mail the last several years or so…"

"So I've heard," Harm muttered.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

"Oh, it was nothing. Sorry, continue."

"Anyway, we went for a long walk, about a couple of hours…"

"Two hours, eleven minutes and fifty four seconds," Harm mumbled.

This just got him a raised eyebrow from Mac. "Anyway, he's been really sweet and I'm just glad that he came to visit."

"What did you guys talk about?"

**Flashback several hours earlier**

"You know Sarah, I know how alone you feel right now, but I promise you, I'm not going anywhere."

"Thanks Jamie. I know Harm said the same thing… but I know he can't always be with me," Mac said, sadly.

"Umm… what do you mean?"

"Well, I overheard him and Harriet talking about postponing his wedding plans," Mac sighed. "He's moved on. I certainly don't want to be a burden to him and his new family. Lord knows he's already spent enough time with me and away from his fiancée and Mattie."

"Harm didn't tell you who his fiancée was?"

"It probably didn't occur to him. Or maybe he knows that I still have feelings for him and he doesn't want to rub it in. Either way…"

"Hey Sarah, listen, I've told you over the years that Harm's not the right guy for you. Besides you'll find someone better. Someone who'll love you more than he ever could… ever had."

"Oh yeah? And where would someone like that be?"

"Well… I wouldn't look too far if I were you," Jamie said, gently wiping a stray tear away. "So do your heart a favour and distance yourself from Harm as much as possible. It'll make things easier for you in the long run. Don't ask him about his personal life, you'll only be torturing yourself more. You know all you really need to know. And if he tries to explain, don't let him. It will only serve to hurt you even more. Sarah, you and Harm have danced around each other for so many years now. It's time to move on. Clearly he has."

"I don't know if I can. I love him so much…"

"But what can you do if he doesn't feel the same?"

"I don't know… I guess it's out of my hands."

"Exactly, but don't worry, Sarah. You don't have to go through this alone. I'll always be here for you."

"Thanks so much Jamie. It's nice to talk to a friend who isn't also Harm's friend. I mean, I suppose I could also spill my sorrows onto Harriet or Bud, but the truth is, they're Harm's friends too, and I guess in their eyes… well…"

"Hey, hey, I completely understand. Just know that I'm here for you… always," Jamie said, kissing Mac on the forehead. "By the way, do you know what's going to happen to your in regards to work?"

"No, but I'll probably be put on leave indefinitely until my doctor gives me clearance. But who knows when that will be. Although I probably will be allowed to go home in a few days. Also, I'm still ill at ease considering they haven't caught who did this to me."

"I'm sure the cops are on it. By the way, who'll be taking care of you when you're discharged from the hospital?"

"I suppose Harm would volunteer, but staying with him would amount to something like cruel and unusual punishment. Besides I really don't want to be a burden to him or anyone. Physically I'm fine. I can take care of myself."

"Sarah, I insist you stay with me. You know I have no one else in my life. I'd love to spend the extra time with you. You said so yourself, you're physically fine for the most part, you won't be a burden to me at all. But at least you'll have someone with you in case… well in case of anything."

"Are you sure…?"

"Absolutely! C'mon Sarah, it'll be like old times."

"It sounds good… let me think about it?"

**End Flashback**

"Oh, we didn't talk about much, just catching up on old times really. I mean, he just kept telling me that if ever I needed anything that he'd always be there for me."

"_I'd_ always be here for you, Mac."

"Oh, I know, Harm. But I think what Jamie meant was that, since he doesn't really have any other responsibilities… you know the fact that he's not married, he's got no kids… well, that I shouldn't worry about being an imposition to him."

"Wait, and you think you'd be imposing on me?" Harm asked, sounding really mad. He was mad at Jamie and what he was clearly trying to do, but Mac didn't interpret it that way.

"Harm, please don't take it personally. You're my best friend and I know I can always turn to you…"

But Harm interrupted her, "Except that you'd turn to Jamie first!"

"Don't be like that, Harm. I'm just saying that will all the responsibilities you have… Never mind, I don't want to argue with you."

Harm immediately felt bad. He knew it wasn't Mac's fault, no one's really told her anything after all. Harm decided to change the subject.

"Hey, uhh… your doctor told me that you'll probably be released tomorrow or the day after that. He said that the swelling in your brain has gone down considerably."

"Yeah, he mentioned that to me too… I must say, the thought of getting out of here is rather appealing."

"By the way, Harm, can you do me a favour?"

"Of course, Mac, anything."

"I'm sure you know where I live, and I'm sure you have a spare key to my place… Could you pack me a bag, you know just every day clothes, and some personal items and bring them here?"

"You already have a change of clothes here for when you're discharged, Mac. Why would you need more?" Harm asked, clearly confused.

"Jamie offered to let me stay with him for a while… just a little while until I really get back on my feet. I decided to take him up on his offer."

"WHAT?" Harm practically roared. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Well, Harm, clearly I am. And I guess it wouldn't be such a bad idea to have some company for the first little while after I'm out of the hospital as a result."

"I thought it was a given that you'd be going home and that I'll be taking care of you."

"You've already done so much for me, Harm. Are you telling me that you're going to stay with me at my place?"

"Yes, that was my plan all along!"

"Well it's a stupid plan, Harm! You need to have your priorities straight. How responsible is it of you to play Florence Nightingale to me when there are other people who need your attention?"

"What are you talking about? Are you talking about Mattie? You've really lost me here Mac because right now, you're my only priority."

"I'm not talking about Mattie… entirely. Look Harm, I know you've always been drawn to 'damsels in distress' and I sure as hell seem like one right now, but really… go home to your family."

"My family? Ok Mac, clearly we're not on the same page… What exactly are you thinking?"

"Harm, having you here 24/7 is not fair to Mattie and your fiancée. I'm afraid I can't remember who she is at the moment… And now you want to spend more time taking care of me? It's not right Harm. I know your intentions are good but…"

"Whoa, whoa… who told you I had a fiancée? Did Jamie say that to you?!"

"No, I heard Harriet asking if your wedding would be postponed… It's because of me isn't it? Oh, Harm…"

"Mac, I had no idea you heard any of that… And yes, my wedding might have to be postponed because of you," Harm noticed the hurt look on Mac's face. "But not in the way you think."

"What do you mean?"

"Mac, there's something I need to tell you, well, actually a lot I need to tell you, but I want to clear it with Dr. Roshan first. Until then…"

Harm was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was Detective Summers.

TBC in chapter 9

Ok guys, thanks for sticking with me. A lot of you have e-mailed me voicing concerns that it seems really weird that Harm hasn't yet suspected Jamie. This chapter shows that he did, but that he really has nothing on him. Remember that Mac didn't tell Harm about Jamie's violent and overly pushy nature. It's one thing to know that Jamie's in love with Mac, but another huge leap entirely to jump to the conclusion that it was him who sent Mac to the hospital. In other words, it's one thing to be a slimeball, but it's another thing to be an almost-murderer. But anyway, to appease many readers, I had Harm ask the police to look into him, which actually works for my story for what I had in mind. Anyway, I'll start work on the next chapter tonight. If you guys have any suggestions please feel free to let me know. And keep the feedbacks coming because I do take them seriously and try to incorporate a lot of your suggestions into my story if it works with the plot I have in mind. Thanks again guys!


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Hospital Corridor

Just Outside Mac's room

Mercy Hospital

"Look Harm, first of all, before I tell you anything, I don't want you jumping to any conclusions ya got that? I mean it. I didn't get much, but what little I did get on Mr. Jamie Scott did seem suspicious to me… Suspicious enough that I came all the way here to warn ya… Well, that and your cell phone was off… I think there's something up with that guy, but that's just me. Don't you go taking matters into your own hands and making things worse, ya hear?" Detective Summers said.

"Ok I understand just… tell me, what did you find out?" Harm asked anxiously.

"Well, I looked into the hotel he was staying at and I interviewed some people there. Nothing really came up until I spoke to the restaurant manager at the hotel. When he saw the news on TV reporting on Col. MacKenzie's attack, he told me that he immediately recognized her and thought of the incident at his restaurant. When he found out that I was investigating the attack, he came to find me. Anyway, he told me that there was an incident between Jamie and Col. MacKenzie on Saturday October 15th. According to his statement, he said that there was a heated discussion between the two that resulted in him violently grabbing her and knocking stuff off their table. When he interrupted them he noticed the fear on Col. MacKenzie's face. He told me it was one of the reasons why he remembered her enough to recognize her picture on TV."

Detective Summers paused for a second trying to gauge Harm's reaction. The fury emanating from Harm was palpable. If the detective hadn't known to whom Harm's rage was directed he would have been scared.

"He hurt her," Harm said, more as a statement than a question.

"Let's just say he was less than the perfect gentleman," Detective Summers said. "Anyway, after hearing that, I decided to look into him a little more. I found out that he initially asked for two weeks off from his work. I called his office and found out that around a few hours after Col. MacKenzie's attack, he called in and extended his leave indefinitely citing personal reasons. This is very suspicious because the Colonel's attack wasn't made news until the following day so unless he knew about her attack before hand… I mean, there's the possibility that it was all a coincidence and his extended leave had nothing to do with Colonel MacKenzie…"

"But it's unlikely," Harm finished for him.

"From what my gut is telling me… no," the detective said. "Oh, and get this, despite the fact that he extended his leave from work, he checked out of his hotel the same day. A little fishy if you ask me."

"And this isn't enough to press charges? Wait, don't answer that. I already know the answer. I'm a lawyer for Christ sake! It's all circumstantial."

"It's enough for me to ask questions, but the pitfall in that is that if he did do this to Col. MacKenzie, then questioning him would definitely tip him off and he could very well take off. If he is the assailant we'll want to keep him close."

"Not too close," Harm muttered.

"No, I guess not. Anyway, I'm off. My colleague's looking at a former client of the Colonel's, we'll see if there's anything there."

"Thanks, detective," Harm said

One hour later

Hospital Cafeteria

Harm has been sitting at the hospital cafeteria for the past hour thinking about what Detective Summers had said. In a sick kind of way, Harm felt relief that he's been vindicated somewhat. Jamie wasn't the dream come true that most people tend to think he was. Harm was ready to beat the guy to a pulp knowing that he grabbed Mac violently at the restaurant. He knew that if he ever found out that Jamie was the one who put Mac in the hospital, he'd kill him. The entire Marine Corp wouldn't be able to stop him.

But the fact of the matter was that he wasn't sure if it had been Jamie. Sure he suspects him, but he's not entirely sure. Not without a doubt anyway. If he were to see Jamie right now he wasn't sure how he'd react. The thought scared him just a little. Harm wasn't a violent man by nature, but the memory of Mac hooked up to all those tubes and the cuts and bruises on her face was enough to make him see red.

Harm also couldn't help but be angry at Mac too for not telling him about what Jamie did to her. How could she keep something like that from him? He was practically her husband. He had a right to know. He really wished at the moment that Mac had her memory back so he could ask her what in the hell she was thinking keeping something like that from him. After taking a sip from his coffee, Harm looked up to see Dr. Roshan approaching.

"Doctor, thanks for agreeing to meet with me. I just had a few questions regarding my fiancée's condition."

"Of course, ask away."

Harm proceeded to tell the good doctor about the situation with Jamie and what the detective told him. Dr. Roshan listened attentively and didn't give much away in terms of facial expressions.

"Anyway, doctor, I wanted to get your permission on coming clean with Mac. She won't accept me keeping her away from Jamie if I can't give her a reason. She also thinks that I'm engaged to someone else and I'm afraid that misunderstanding on her part will make her more vulnerable to his advances."

"Well, Harm, it's my medical opinion that Sarah's recovering quite nicely and that given enough tact, she'll be ok with hearing the truth. Now, considering the situation with that guy Jamie, it would probably be wise to tell her."

"I'm glad you agree, doctor," Harm said, quite relieved.

"I do. But I want you to keep in mind not to drop everything on her at once. Be especially careful when talking about her attack," Dr. Roshan said, sternly. "But do tell her as soon as you can. I'll most likely give her permission to go home tomorrow morning if she gets through the night without incident. It will be up to Miss MacKenzie who she chooses to go home with, and that's potentially dangerous because if she chooses this Jamie guy, there's really nothing anyone can do." The thought made Harm shudder. "The fact that the police have nothing substantial on him means he will have to be treated like any ordinary citizen walking through this hospital. The fact that Miss MacKenzie thinks fondly of him doesn't help matters any."

"I understand. Thanks Dr. Roshan, I appreciate everything."

Meanwhile

In Mac's room

"Ok, I've got a full house," Mac said as she started gathering the play chips Mattie brought with her.

"Not so fast, Mac. That doesn't beat my four of a kind," Mattie said, flashing her four nines.

"Mattie, it scares me just how good you are at this game. Tell me you're not hustling people for their money on the side," Mac said, good-naturedly.

"I'll never tell," Mattie said, smiling.

After gathering up the cards and chips, Mac broke the silence. "So how have you been holding up since your accident?"

"Well, the past six months or so have been some of the most difficult of my life, but in many ways it's been some of the best."

"How do you mean?"

"Well, for the first time in a long time I feel like I have a family again. There's stability in my life and I can just be a kid again."

"I'm really glad to hear that Mattie," Mac said, genuinely.

Mac was glad that Harm was able to provide Mattie with the life she deserved. She supposed that meant that whoever Harm's fiancée was that she was ok in Mattie's book. And Mac knew that Mattie was a very good judge in character. Although it did make Mac just a little bit sad that Harm was doing so well without her. It was clear to her that she was never an essential part of Harm's life.

"Is Harm happy?" Mac asked, timidly.

"Oh yeah, I've never seen him happier than he has been these past few months… Of course the attack on you scared him."

"I think it would scare anyone," Mac said. "I'm just sorry that it ended up disrupting everyone's lives."

"Don't be sorry, Mac! I'm just so glad that you didn't end up worse. And don't worry, things will return to normal soon enough."

Just as Mac was about to respond, Harm walks into the room.

"Hey Mattie, what are you doing here?" Harm asked.

"I wanted to visit Mac. Though I do have to get going, I have a lot of homework to finish."

"Ok, well, I'll give you a ride back to Bud and Harriet's. Mac, I'll be back in about a half hour?"

"Sure, Harm," Mac said. "Thanks for coming to visit me Mattie. It's always nice to see you. Maybe I'll see you again after I'm out of here?"

"Of course! Bye, Mac," Mattie said, giving Mac a hug before leaving with Harm.

About twenty minutes after Harm and Mattie left, Mac got a knock on the door.

"Hi, can I come in?"

"Jamie, of course! Come on in, are those for me?" Mac asked, pointing to the roses he brought.

"Well… they're for the most beautiful woman in the world… but I guess you'll do," Jamie said, teasingly which got him a playful smack on the arm from Mac.

Jamie bent down to kiss Mac gently on the lips as he gave her the roses. He couldn't help but notice how Mac blushed with the kiss he gave her. Satisfied that he was beginning to get through to her, he sat on the chair next to her bed.

"So what brings you here, Jamie?" Mac asked.

"Why, you, of course!" Jamie answered. "I mean of course I could give you some fabricated lie about how I was in the neighbourhood and thought I'd stop by, but the truth is that I just wanted to visit you and spend some time with you."

Mac couldn't help but feel flattered by what Jamie said. It suddenly occurred to her that if she had asked the same question to Harm he probably would have given the 'I was in the neighbourhood' line. Jamie wanted her, and he was letting her know it.

"Well I'm flattered that you still find my company enjoyable despite the fact that I'm less than a hundred percent and cranky because of it."

"I always enjoy your company, regardless of the circumstances," Jamie said, reaching for her hand.

"I'm really glad, because I like being with you too, Jamie."

"So, Sarah, have you thought about my offer, about staying with me for a little while?"

"Well, I think it's a good idea… being alone with nothing to do isn't exactly the most appealing prospect…"

"But…?" Jamie asked, sensing she was holding back.

"Harm's not very happy with the idea. He probably feels that because he's my best friend that it's his duty to nurse me back to health."

"If you ask me, he probably just wants to get all the credit when this is all over," Jamie said, with a hint of disdain.

Mac was quick to defend Harm, "I'll admit that Harm has a propensity for playing the hero, especially to 'damsels in distress' but he's never, ever, done it for credit or recognition. Harm's the most honourable man I know."

"Be that as it may, Sarah," Jamie said, taking on a placating tone. "Do you really want to spend your time recovering seeing the great life Harm has made without you? Do you really want to be the appendix of his family? You'd be like dead weight in the canoe that is his life. Not only will you not be helping him any, you'd be a burden!"

"That's what I was afraid of," Mac sighed.

"But you wouldn't be a burden to me. There's no one else in my life unlike Harm. You can even consider it a mini vacation. We can go anywhere you want. You name it, you want to go to Hawaii, Paris, London… we'll go! It's not like you'll be working any time soon."

"I know… but they still haven't caught the guy who did this to me…"

"Just because you're going forward with your life it doesn't mean the police are going to stop looking. And who's to say that the attack on you wasn't a one time random thing?"

"That's unlikely Jamie…" Mac said, her mind still on his offer.

"Well… what do you say?" Jamie asked, a hint of impatience in his voice.

"I don't know… I mean it all sounds great, Lord knows I could use a little R&R… but let me think it over."

"You mean _talk it over_ with Harm? Jesus, Sarah you don't owe the guy anything. Look, at first he's not going to be happy about it, but then he'll realize later on that you did him a favour. How long has he been by your bedside, Sarah? Because that's exactly how long he's had to put his life on hold for you."

"You're right, you're right. It's for the best."

"I know things have been rough for you, and I know you think that the person you need most in the world is Harm, but he's not there for you anymore. You have to accept that and move past it. I'm here now, and you have me all to yourself. There's nothing more important in my life than you, Sarah."

Mac couldn't miss the intimacy in his voice. "What do you mean?"

"Let me take care of you… for now… and maybe if you'll let me… forever."

Mac was speechless for a second, but soon found her voice again, "Jamie, I appreciate everything you're doing for me… I really do… but, it's just that so much has happened and I… you're just moving a little too fast for me."

"Oh, I understand," Jamie said, dejectedly.

"Wait, no, you don't understand! I'm not rejecting you, Jamie. I'm just asking you to wait. I know that I have no chance with Harm anymore, and that I've lost him for a long time now… but because of my memory loss, it seems just like yesterday to me. I'm still in love with him, Jamie. And it wouldn't be fair of me to start anything with you when my heart's still with someone else… Just give me a little time."

"Ok, I know you'll come around. Sarah, I know Harm's the love of your life. He pretty much has been for the past decade or so, but you know that old saying, if you can't have the one you love, love the one you have. And believe me, you _do _have me more than you ever had or will ever have Harm," Jamie said, as he leaned forward to kiss Mac on the lips.

All of a sudden someone grabbed him from behind and threw him across the room.

"You stay away from her, you hear me?! I'm on to you, you bastard!" Harm yelled.

"Harm, what are you doing?!" Mac screamed.

But Harm just ignored her. He ran up to Jamie and picked him up off the ground. Jamie, knowing that Mac was watching didn't fight back and made sure he looked like the victim.

Harm had both hands on his collar as he yelled at him to his face, "If you ever come near her again, I swear…"

But Harm was interrupted by Mac who was now out of bed and trying to get Harm off Jamie, "Harm, stop it! What's gotten into you?!"

"There are things about him you don't know, Mac," Harm said as he shrugged her off and continued his focus on Jamie. The sight of Jamie kissing his fiancée pretty much threw Harm over the edge.

Harm shoved Jamie right out the door. The force of Harm pushing him was enough to send him slamming on the far wall. Jamie of course made quite an effort to make himself look like the weak victim. He even kept up a confused look for Mac's benefit.

Before Harm could get to him again, there were two guards on the scene. One was helping Jamie up and the other one standing between them and Harm.

"What the hell's going on here?" the taller guard asked.

Before Harm could speak, Jamie said, "Oh really, it was nothing. Just a silly misunderstanding."

Jamie, looking like the innocent victim quickly won the guard's sympathy. "Do you want to press charges against him?" the guard said, pointing to Harm.

"Of course not, he's just been under a lot of stress. It's quite understandable, really. I'll just be going," Jamie said, then turning to Mac, "I'm very sorry about all this, Sarah. Don't worry about a thing and get some rest."

"Jamie, wait!" Mac said, but he was walking out and didn't look back.

The guard then turned to Harm, "If anything like this happens again you can be sure that unless you're a patient here yourself, that you'll no longer be allowed on these premises. Am I clear?"

Harm could only nod. After the guards left, Mac and Harm were alone in her room. The moment Harm looked up to see her face, he knew he was going to get it.

"Mac, just let me explain…"

"How dare you come in here like a Neanderthal and just throw out my guest like that? And that's what he was, Harm, my guest and not yours! I choose who gets to visit me and who doesn't!"

"Mac, you don't understand…"

"Understand what?! What has he ever done to you, Harm?! How in the world could you possibly justify what you just did? Temporary insanity?!"

"Please, Mac… I know what it seems like but if you'd just let me explain…"

"No! I can't even look at you right now! I'm so – "

But Mac was interrupted by Dr. Roshan entering her room.

"Sarah, Harm, please keep your voices down… you're disturbing the other patients."

Harm and Mac both fell silent at the doctor's words.

"I heard from the guard what just happened," Dr. Roshan said to Harm, "But agitating Sarah is not helping. Harm, don't take this personally, but please leave for a little while, until tempers subside."

"Sarah, I want you to get back into bed and calm down. You're not helping your recovery by being this upset."

Mac reluctantly went back to bed as the doctor led Harm out of the room with Mac still fuming behind him.

TBC in chapter 10

Forget about what I said in the earlier chapters about this story being finished in something like 9 chapters. The story has clearly taken on a life of its own and I have no idea in how many chapters I will wrap it up. I'm sorry about the week wait for this chapter, but I had a big paper due and unfortunately, my attention had to be on that. I've finished it now and I can put more of my time into this story. Thanks for sticking with me and stay tuned for chapter 11.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

4 hours later

Inside Mac's hospital room

After having calmed down, Mac found that most of her anger was gone and that she was sitting there in bed mostly baffled. She had never seen Harm act that way before. It was her surprise and anger that saved her from being scared. Because thinking back now, the look of rage in Harm's eyes was scary.

Mac had been wracking her brain the past few hours but still couldn't come up with a plausible reason as to why Harm would act that way towards her childhood friend. Harm was an officer and a gentleman in the truest sense of those words and she still couldn't come to grips with the virtual stranger she saw go berserk in her room a few hours ago.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the nurse coming in to give her dinner. She couldn't help but make a bit of a face at the thought of consuming anymore of that tasteless junk they called hospital food. The nurse just smiled at her.

"Don't worry, Sarah. If all goes well through the night then this should be your last meal here. Did the doctor tell you?" the nurse asked.

"Yeah, Dr. Roshan told me if all goes well he'll be letting me go tomorrow morning. Thank god for that!" Mac said.

The nurse had left her door slightly open and Mac noticed a figure sitting to the left of her door.

"Kate, who is that sitting just outside my room in the hallway?" Mac asked the nurse.

"Oh, it's Harm. He's been sitting there the past couple of hours… I uhh… I heard what happened earlier…"

"Who hasn't, with all the racket we made."

"Sarah, I'm not sure what happened… and I don't mean to be so forward, but maybe you should talk to him. It's obvious he's not going anywhere…" the nurse whispered.

Mac sighed, "I guess you're right. I might as well try to get what answers I can. I sure as hell haven't come up with any on my own."

The nurse gave Mac a reassuring pat on the shoulder as if to tell her 'you're doing the right thing', and walked out leaving her door wide open. After a moment, Mac called out to Harm in the hallway.

"So… are you going to just sit out there all night or are you going to come in?"

Harm didn't have to be asked twice, he was quickly on his feet and by her door. He was still a little unsure of whether to step in. Mac couldn't help but notice how lost he looked… like a lost little puppy almost. Her heart melted at the sight. The contrast between the Harm in front of her at the moment and the Harm of a few hours ago was huge. This one looked like he couldn't harm a fly, and that was the man she fell in love with.

"Come on in, Harm… how long have you been out there?"

"I never left," Harm said, simply. "Look, Mac I'm sorry. I know how all that must've looked. And I'll admit, I kinda lost it…"

"_Kinda_ lost it? You're lucky Jamie didn't press charges against you!"

"Listen Mac, I can explain, I just need you to give me a chance and just listen. Please."

Mac noticed that Harm was holding something behind him. "Alright Harm, I'm listening… and what's that thing you're hiding behind your back?"

"Oh this… it's something I want to show you," Harm said, placing a photo album on her lap. "…But not just yet. I need to explain some things to you first."

Mac fought the urge to open the album, but instead focused her eyes on Harm, "Ok Harm, I'm all ears."

"Mac, I know how frustrated you've been these past few days not knowing anything… and more than that… no one's told you anything. Because of it, I know you've been forced to fill in the blanks yourself. And you've jumped to some wrong conclusions," Harm paused, looking for Mac's reaction.

"What conclusions are those?" Mac asked, confusion written all over her face.

"Well… when you overheard me talking to Harriet about my wedding plans --"

"I concluded that you were getting married. Was I wrong?" Mac asked, somewhat facetiously.

"Yes and no. You were right in that I was getting married… but you were wrong about who I was going to marry."

"Harm, I never found out who it was you were going to marry."

"I know… but you eliminated the possibility that it could have been you."

It took a moment for Mac to digest what Harm had just said to her. Mac sat there stunned at what Harm had just implied. Harm saw the shocked look on her face and took her hand into his large one as if giving credence to his claim. Mac pulled back slightly, a part of her was afraid that she was hearing things. She realized that she couldn't believe what Harm was suggesting… to do so would be to set herself up for a huge fall if she was wrong.

"What are you trying to tell me, Harm?" Mac asked, her voice wavering.

Harm reached for Mac's hand again, "Mac… _you_ are my fiancée."

Mac thought she heard right, but she wanted to be sure, "What did you say?"

"You're my fiancée, Mac. I wanted to tell you since you woke up, but the doctor wanted to wait for a little bit…" Harm noticed that he no longer had her attention. "Mac…?"

"Oh, sorry, Harm I just…"

"I know it's a lot to take in… but it's important that you found out."

Mac stayed silent which worried Harm. She had a faraway look and he wasn't sure what she was thinking. "Mac? Umm… say something."

"Harm, you have no idea how much I wish that were true…"

"It _is_ true, Mac!"

"No, what I meant was… was that it's my experience that when something seems too good to be true… it usually is," Mac said, sadly. "I'm just so afraid that in acknowledging that, I'd be setting myself up for a huge heart break."

"I wouldn't lie to you about this… not something like this."

"But Jamie… he… he didn't say that you and I were engaged. I mean, he didn't say otherwise, but the way he talked… it was like you had a family already… one that doesn't include me."

"Jamie's a liar, Mac! He's been trying to worm his way into your life and he saw your memory loss as the perfect opportunity to do so! Don't you believe anything he says!"

"And why would he lie to me? He's my friend, I've known him for years!"

"He's infatuated with you, Mac. He came to our house before you lost your memory and since then he's been trying to convince you to leave me for him! I'm not lying to you, Mac, this guy has an unhealthy obsession with you. He may have even been the one to put you here!"

"That's ludicrous! I know Jamie, he would never hurt me."

"That's not what I heard, Mac. I heard that he grabbed you at a restaurant at his hotel a couple of days before you were attacked. He wouldn't take 'no' for an answer."

"You _heard_? How reliable is your source, Harm?"

"I had the detective look into him."

"You did what? Harm you don't have to go to any cop, I can tell you from experience that Jamie's harmless."

"I'm sorry, Mac but I just can't believe that."

Harm and Mac were silent for a few moments, neither was eager to break the deadlock that they found themselves in. After a few more minutes, Harm broke the silence.

"I had Jen drop this off for me earlier," Harm said, pointing to the photo album. "I wanted to show it to you… in case you… had any doubts."

Harm gently opened the photo album on Mac's lap. He pointed to the first picture, "This was us at McMurphy's where we announced our engagement."

Mac saw the picture. She was in Harm's arms, the two of them looking lovingly at each other. They were surrounded by their friends, all of them held their glasses up in gesture of a toast.

"And this picture here was taken by Bud when I was seeing you off at the airport. You had to come here to San Diego just a little bit earlier than me to assume your billet."

In the picture, Mac was wearing her uniform, but Harm was in civvies. He was holding her luggage for her while his other arm held her as he kissed her good bye. Mac wished so much that she could remember that moment.

The next picture was when she and Harm found out that they got custody of Mattie. She was sitting in her wheelchair while Harm and Mac were on either side of her, a huge smile on each of their faces. "This was when you flew down from San Diego for the last hearing on Mattie's custody. We all went out to dinner that night to celebrate."

The next picture was of Mac sleeping next to Harm, her head on his chest. They were laid out across a towel on the beach. "Mattie took this when we weren't looking. We were just enjoying the sun that day."

"And this picture here's another one by Mattie one morning when we were making breakfast." The photo showed Mac trying to make Harm eat a piece of bacon. The look on Harm's face on the photo made Mac laugh. 

Harm turned the page and there was a picture of him and Mac at a barbeque. It was obvious they weren't paying attention to their surroundings and were kissing passionately. Harm was leaning against a tree with Mac in his arms and little AJ pulling at his leg obviously trying to get his attention.

"I'm not sure who took that, but that was when we were having a barbecue at Bud and Harriet's. That was a good day, we had found out earlier that our chances of having a baby was a lot better than the four percent chance that your doctor in DC had said. We had huge grins on our faces that whole day, and we really couldn't keep our hands off each other that day."

"You mean… I can have a baby?"

"Our chances are a lot better than what we first thought, yeah. We've had two different doctors tell us that since we got here. We've been pretty hopeful. The doctors have told us that we probably won't even need medical intervention."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean we haven't really been trying… we wanted to get married first, but yeah… we're pretty happy about that." Mac let the conversation go for the meantime.

Harm pointed to the next picture. Mac was asleep, sprawled out on the sofa with her head on Harm's lap. Harm was completely engrossed in his book, but his free hand was holding Mac's hand in his. "And this picture was just taken one lazy afternoon. Mattie thought we looked "cute" together like that, so she took it."

Harm went through the whole album, showing Mac snapshots of their life together the past five months. By the time Harm closed the album, Mac had tears in her eyes.

"I wish… I wish so much that I could remember all that," Mac said, her voice slightly choked from her tears.

"You will, Mac… and even if you don't get your memories back, we'll make new ones… we can do anything Mac, as long as we're together."

"As long as we're together…" Mac repeated in a whisper.

"Mac, I don't want there to be any doubts in your mind. I'm here with you because I can't imagine being anywhere else, and tomorrow, when the doctor releases you, we're going to go home together to our house… our home. I've already taken time off work and I'm going to take care of you. In my heart, you're already my wife and I'm your husband… Mac, I love you, please don't ever doubt that."

Harm brushed the tears from Mac's cheeks with his thumb, leaning forward, he tentatively brushed his lips against hers. Mac, finally accepting the truth, wrapped her arms around his neck deepening the kiss.

"I love you too, Harm… Oh god, I feel like a vise has just let go of my heart that I didn't even know was there… You have no idea the heartache I've been through the past couple of days thinking you were engaged to someone else," Mac said, through her tears.

"I can only imagine what you went through…" Harm said, kissing Mac on the temple. "But at least now you know."

Harm and Mac talked for hours more. Mac had a lot of questions and Harm did his best to answer them. They even agreed that they wouldn't postpone their wedding that was scheduled for the following month. When Mac tried to stifle a yawn, Harm knew that it was time for her to rest.

"Ok Marine, you didn't hide that yawn from me. It's time to sleep."

"No, not yet…" Mac protested weakly.

"Oh yeah… I mean, even the Energizer Bunny needs to be recharged," this got Harm a playful smack.

Harm started taking his jacket off and began fixing the pillow he would be using on the chair next to Mac's bed. "Harm? Would you lie next to me?"

Harm smiled, his first genuine one in days, "Honey, you don't have to ask me twice."

Mac scooted over slightly and Harm settled in next to her, taking her in his arms. Mac cuddled closer to him, breathing in his scent which comforted her to no end. They remained silent for a long time. Harm thought that Mac was asleep until she spoke.

As if thinking out loud, Mac, her voice laced with ice said, "Jamie lied to me."

TBC in chapter 11

Ok, well I know that was a short one, but you guys were threatening me with bodily harm already, so I figured I'd let Mac in on everyone's secret! LOL Well, I hope this chapter appeased a lot of you, and I hope I didn't make it overly sappy. I found myself struggling between heartfelt and cheese. Oh well, live and learn. Anyway, let me know what you guys think and I'll start on the next chapter ASAP! Cheers! BTW, this story has been so full of angst I think I'm going to do a pure fluff story when this is over!


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

The next morning

Mac's hospital room

"Ok hon, all your stuff's in the bag… is there anything we're forgetting?" Harm asked, as he gathered Mac's things.

The doctor had given Mac the green light to go home early in the morning after she got through the night without incident. Now she and Harm were gathering the last of her belongings and were ready to go home.

"Mac, the next time we go home from the hospital we'd better be taking home a new mini Rabb with us."

"I hope so too, Harm," Mac said, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind.

Harm turned around and engulfed Mac in his embrace. "Have faith, Mac. And anyway, considering what God put us through this past week, he owes us a miracle!"

"I don't know if he owes us, but I wouldn't mind a miracle or two… or three" Mac said through her giggles. "You know Harm, in my mind we've only been together since last night, but it already feels like we've been together for years! Everything just feels so natural."

"That's because we were made for each other. It was fate," Harm said bending down to kiss Mac.

"And fate will keep us together forever," Mac said. She noticed the odd look Harm gave her. "What, did I say something wrong?"

"No, no, it's just that, I said almost those exact same words when I proposed to you."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I guess maybe you're remembering things… just subconsciously… maybe."

"I hope so… I'd hate to lose my memories of the last several months. From what I saw in those pictures, they were probably the best months of my life," Mac said, hugging Harm.

"Ok, well that's the last of them," Harm said, as he stuffed Mac's toothbrush into the bag.

"Great, let's get out of here. I can't wait to go home… wherever that is."

"Not so fast, Ninja-girl. I haven't gotten you a wheelchair yet."

"Wheelchair?" Mac asked, incredulously. "Harm, don't be silly. I'm fine, I don't need a wheelchair. Look at me, I'm walking fine on my own."

"You're walking fine around the room, but I don't want you over exerting yourself once we're out of here. The last thing we need is for you to overdo things and end up back here."

"Harm, I'm not going to overdo it. You know me."

"That's exactly what I'm talking about… C'mon Mac, just for my peace of mind."

"Harm, I'm a --"

"Marine, yeah, yeah I know, but considering you took about twenty years off my life this past week alone, the least you could do is humour me."

"Harm…"

"Please Mac," Harm whined. "If you do this, I'll agree to erase the 'obey' in the 'honour and obey' part of our vows."

"Oh alright… I'll humour you… but just this once, Flyboy," Mac said, unable to ignore Harm's boyish charms.

"Yes, Ma'am," Harm saluted, as he walked out of the room to find a wheelchair.

About a minute after Harm stepped out, there was a knock on the door. It was Jamie.

"Hey Sarah, I'm glad I caught you while Harm's not here. Did the doctor give you clearance to leave?" Jamie asked.

"Yes," Mac answered, curtly, turning her back to him.

"Great, well let's get going then," Jamie said, reaching for Mac's bag on the bed.

"I'm going home with Harm," Mac said, as she took her bag back.

"With Harm? I don't understand, I thought we had decided that it was a bad idea and you'd be staying with me."

"We did… but I had agreed under the wrong assumptions."

"What do you mean?"

"You lied to me," Mac said, jabbing her finger at his chest. "You led me to believe that Harm was getting married to someone else."

"He… uhh… he told you?"

"Yes."

"But I thought the doctor said not to --"

"How could you do that to me, Jamie?! How could you do that when you knew how I felt about him. How could you lie to me like that? I thought we were friends!"

"We are! I did what I thought was best for you. He's not good for you, Sarah. I had hoped that if you spent some time with me that you'd realize that you'd be happier with me than with him."

"You don't get to make that decision."

"He doesn't love you enough. I do!"

"That's not how you love someone, Jamie! You don't manipulate them and take advantage of their vulnerability. What you did makes you no different from any of the other men in my past. Harm and I may have had a lot of hits and misses, but he has _never _once played games with my mind."

"Sarah, just let me explain…" but Jamie was interrupted by Harm walking into the room.

"Ok Mac, I've got…" Harm stopped in mid-sentence noticing Jamie in the room. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

Mac quickly went to Harm's side and took his hand in hers, trying to calm him down. She did not want a repeat of the day before. "Harm, it's ok, he was just leaving."

"He better be," Harm said, glaring at Jamie.

"You don't deserve her, man. You've had plenty of chances in the past and you messed up on all of them! You hurt her! You hurt her bad! You weren't the one who had to listen to all those tearful phone calls she's made to me over the years."

Mac saw Harm flinch and she knew that he was starting to listen to what Jamie was saying. "Harm, don't. Don't listen to him. Let's just go."

Mac walked up to Jamie. "You have no idea how much you hurt me lying to me like that. I trusted you, Jamie, and you took advantage of my memory loss as well as my trust."

"But I did it because I love you."

"You don't love me, Jamie. You're infatuated with me. Because if you truly loved me, you'd see that I belonged with Harm, and you would accept that and be happy for me."

"You don't understand, Sarah, I can give you a better life than he can."

"No, you can't. And for the sake of my relationship with Harm, I can't see you anymore."

"What?! Sarah, NO! Wait!"

But Mac already sat in the wheelchair, and she and Harm were getting out the door, ignoring Jamie's mad rant.

"This isn't over Sarah! I'm not going to give up on you! I'm going to fight for you, that's more than Harm ever did!"

**Approx. 1 month later**

Harm and Mac were married the following month like they had planned. They were married in a small chapel. It was what Mac wanted. She just wanted a small ceremony with their closest friends and family. Harm's parents were there, as well as the Roberts. Jen, Mattie and Chloe were bridesmaids and Harriet was the maid of honour. Bud was Harm's best man. Admiral Chegwidden and Sturgis also flew down. It was a beautiful ceremony with the bride and groom each writing their own vows.

Mac's memory still hadn't returned completely, and she still had no recollection of her attack, much to Harm's dismay. Mac's been worried about Harm as of late. She noticed that he hasn't been sleeping as much. He's been calling her practically every hour since he returned to work. The police were still looking for Mac's attacker and they haven't made any new breakthroughs. She knew that Harm was terrified her attacker would try to come after her again.

Although Mac had been given the green light to go back to work by her physician, she decided to take an extended leave, although she had to use her vacation time for that. The Navy wasn't informed that memory loss was among the consequences of her attack. Mac knew that having that on her record would end up being detrimental to her career. She was afraid that there would be too much she couldn't remember and that her work would suffer because of it, so she decided to wait a little longer before returning full time. The military frowned upon psychological related traumas, of course they would never admit that, but it was a well known fact. She hoped that her memory would return before she'd be forced to go back to work again.

Mac too was worried that her attacker would come after her again. It was frustrating not knowing the guy's motives… or anything at all for that matter. The conversation she and Harm had with Detective Summers the previous night was less than uplifting.

"I'm sorry folks, but we have no new leads on this guy," the detective said.

"Please tell me you haven't given up on the case," Harm said.

"No, of course not, but we don't have a lot of resources or man power. There were fingerprints found at the scene of the crime, but the guy who attacked Mrs. Rabb obviously did not have a criminal record so his fingerprints were not in the database."

"So, there's nothing you can do?" Harm asked.

"I'm afraid, Harm that unless your wife remembers who did this to her, that we've got nothing."

"How about Jamie?" Harm asked, trying his best to hide his frustrations.

"You know we never had anything on him. We only had the vaguest of circumstantial evidence. It's not even enough to keep him under surveillance. You're a lawyer Mr. Rabb, you know we've got nothing."

"Harm, just because someone's a manipulative liar, it doesn't mean he's capable of aggravated assault," Mac said, taking her husband's hand.

"I still think he could have been the one," Harm said.

"Oh yeah, then how come you haven't beaten him within an inch of his life yet?" Mac asked her husband.

"… Because I don't know for sure. And if I'm going to end up in prison, then it better be the right guy I killed," Harm said, only half-jokingly.

Mac just gave Harm a look that said 'I told you so'.

"Well folks, I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news," the detective said as he stood up and put on his jacket.

"Thank you Detective, we appreciate everything you're doing for us," Mac said opening the door for him.

**Late evening**

**Harm and Mac's bedroom**

Harm walked into his and Mac's bedroom after having checked all the locks in their house for a third time. He walked into the washroom and started brushing his teeth.

"Sweetheart, I think you're becoming paranoid," Mac said, following Harm into their washroom.

"I just want to make sure all the locks are secured."

"There's certainly nothing wrong with that, Harm. But I'm not just talking about the locks, which by the way you've checked four times."

"Three, I checked them three times."

"Right… anyway, it's not just the locks. Harm you sleep with one eye open now, so to speak. When you do actually fall asleep for real, you wake up in the middle of the night because you have nightmares. You call me almost every minute of the day when you're not home… In many ways I guess I'm the lucky one. I don't remember anything about my attack."

"Mac, my worst nightmare is losing you. That nightmare almost came true! I need to feel in control somehow. If being a little extra careful helps, then let me indulge in that."

"Harm, I'm not begrudging you any peace of mind… I just… I'm worried about you. Would you talk to a counsellor?"

"Mac, that's really not necessary."

"Please, Harm… for me?"

"Mac, I really don't want to, ok?"

"Harm, you need to talk to someone who's objective here. I know that a lot of it is about me, and I know it's hard for you to talk about it with me… but please…"

"Mac, would you please drop it?" Harm saw the hurt look in Mac's eyes. He quickly added in a much softer tone, "Mac, I don't want to spend tonight arguing, ok?"

"I know, neither do I, but I do worry about you. I'm your wife now. It's my job to take care of you. You know, the little things like making sure you don't forget to eat, or that you get enough sleep. Stuff that you've been forgetting more often lately."

Harm sighed, knowing she was right. "Thanks, hon. What did I do to deserve you?"

"Probably something really horrible," Mac said half jokingly.

"Hey, nobody's allowed to talk about my wife that way… Not even my wife," Harm said carrying Mac out of the washroom.

"Harm, put me down you big oaf!"

"Oh alright, alright," Harm said as he gently laid her onto their bed. "Hey Mac, you left the window open."

"It's hot tonight, Harm. Don't tell me a burglar's going to climb from outside and get in here. Now you're really being paranoid. Besides I like the breeze."

"Ok, I guess we can leave it open… Now where was I?" Harm asked as he began trailing kisses down Mac's neck.

"Harm wait," Mac said, pushing him off her ever so slightly. "I don't want to be a nagger, but I really want you to talk to someone. Will you at least think about it?"

"Alright, I'll think about it… but only for you, Marine."

"Thanks, Harm. I know it's a lot to ask. But I ask only because I love you," Mac said, taking her husband's face in her hands.

There was understanding on Harm's face and Mac was relieved that he wasn't angry at her for pushing. She kissed him, slowly and leisurely at first, but Harm quickly turned the kiss into a passionate one. He began removing her nightgown, while Mac took that cue and removed his shirt. He trailed kisses down her naked body, enjoying the soft, familiar sounds of pleasure coming from his wife. He then covered her body with his own. Harm and Mac spent the night making love, unknown to either of them that they were being watched through their window.

TBC in chapter 12

Ok, I hope I didn't overdo it there with that last scene. I think it's still appropriate for a T rating. Anyway, I hope no one was offended. Thanks very much to everyone for all the feedback. BTW, as I was writing about Harm and Mac's wedding, I realized that I didn't know their religion, so I ignored what kind of ceremony it was. Does anyone know? In Mac's wedding rehearsal with Mic, it looked like she was getting married in a Catholic church, but I don't know about Harm. Anyway, let me know what you think with how the story's going. I do take your suggestions seriously. Cheers!


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Just outside Harm and Mac's house

He remained still, crouched low in some dark corner like a thief in the night. It was a quiet night, and so he made sure to match that silence. He was a thief, and he was eyeing his prize, methodically planning how to make her his own.

And Jamie was fuming that at that moment, she, who should have been his, was in the arms of another man. Even after a month, he still couldn't believe that she would go ahead and marry Harm. She deserved someone so much better. He has been watching them for a month now since she cut him out of her life. He knew almost everything about them. What time they woke up, what time they ate, what time each one of them left during the day, what time they came home, even when, where, and how many times they had sex.

That last bit of knowledge made him sick to his stomach. They were at it almost every night. It was almost enough to make him vomit. Yet, he found himself to be a glutton for punishment. He couldn't bring himself to take his eyes off them. He wanted to gouge his own eyes out as he watched her cling to him with everything she had as passion shook her to the very core. He wanted to barge in there and throw him off of her. But he had to be patient. His time would come. He would get her back and she would end up thanking him for it. All he had to do was figure out how to make her willingly come to him.

**Next morning**

**Harm and Mac's house**

**In the kitchen**

"You know, Mac, you didn't have to get up early too you know. I could have made breakfast and I can also drive Mattie to school," Harm said.

"Harm's right, Mac. You know if I didn't have to wake up at 6:30am to go to school I sure as hell wouldn't!" Mattie chimed in.

"You guys don't expect me to sleep my life away do you? Just because I'm not back to work yet it doesn't mean I'm going to become useless. Besides, I enjoy spending the time with you two," Mac said. "Not to mention it would be easier if I drove Mattie to school since it's out of your way, Harm. Anyway, I need to feel useful... Needed."

"We'll always need you, Mac," Mattie said.

"Yeah, I just meant that since you didn't get much sleep last night that you'd take today to catch up," Harm said, a knowing grin on his face.

"Oh, and whose fault was that?" Mac asked, flirtatiously.

"Well… I do recall a certain Marine who just refused to call it a night…"

"Oh my God, I am not hearing this!" Mattie said, as she covered her ears in an exaggerated gesture.

Harm and Mac had the decency to blush, forgetting they had an audience. "Alright, alright, you can take your hands off your ears now, young lady. We'll spare you the details."

"As if you could ever share them, Harm you're such a prude!" Mac said, giggling uncontrollably.

"I think I'm going to have to agree with Mac on that one, Harm. Did you know that last year Harm had to ask Jen to make sure I knew about the birds and the bees before I went to my school dance?" Mattie said to Mac. "As if I've never heard of it at that age!"

Mac was laughing uncontrollably now, "I guess then it'll have to fall on me to give our children that lesson, huh Flyboy?"

"Ha ha, laugh it up, Marine. If our mini Harm or Mac ever comes up with such an inane question such as where do babies come from… You can be sure I'm passing it on to you!"

"We'll see about that… It'll all depend on whether or not I need a good laugh!"

"Oh yeah?" Harm asked, as he proceeded to tickle Mac within an inch of her life. "I can arrange for a good laugh."

"That's… not… fair!" Mac said in between her uncontrollable fits of laughter.

Mattie could only shake her head and smile at her parents' obvious signs of affection. She's never before seen two 'old' people go at it like Harm and Mac. Although she would always roll her eyes at their antics, inside she couldn't help but feel incredibly happy that they had finally ended up on the same page, so to speak. She had seen each one without the other at one point or another. 'Miserable' didn't even begin to describe them.

"Alright, kids, playtime's over. We're running late," Mattie said, in her best imitation of Harm.

"Oh my god, it's almost eight, I've lost track of the time!" Mac said, looking at the kitchen clock.

"You, lose track of the time?!" Harm asked, mocking Mac.

"Don't even start, Sailor," Mac said, wiggling out of Harm's embrace. "You finish your breakfast, Mattie?"

"Yup, I'm all set."

"Alright, let's get going, then," Mac said. "Bye, Harm. I'll see you tonight, I love you."

"Drive safely, I love you too," Harm answered, giving Mac one last kiss.

**A couple of hours later**

**Mattie's high school**

Jamie had followed Mac as she dropped Mattie off to school. Jamie however, did not follow her back. He stayed behind at Mattie's school. He believed he had the perfect plan, and it involved this one bothersome stage.

Jamie watched the high school kids during the break, most of them just sat around or walked around, talking. He kept his eye on Mattie who was chatting with a couple of girls on a stairwell. He wasn't sure how much Harm and Mac had told her about him, so he made sure that she didn't see him.

After a few more minutes, the school bell rang signalling the end of their break. The kids started heading back towards the school. Because Mattie was in a wheelchair, she fell behind the rest of the kids. Jamie was about to approach her from behind when he realized that he didn't need her at all. Mattie was making her way back to the school having completely forgotten the sweater she took off and left hanging on the stairwell. Jamie grabbed the sweater and left before anyone noticed him.

**Half an hour later**

**Harm and Mac's house**

Mac was sprawled on the living room couch, covered in the afghan Harm's mom had knitted for her, and completely engrossed in the new Nicholas Sparks novel she had bought on the way home. She never used to enjoy such sappy romance novels before, partly because she often found herself jealous of the heroine of the novel who always found true love. But now, instead of feeling jealousy, she found that she could relate to the characters.

Her reading was interrupted by the doorbell. Placing her bookmark in the book, she put it down and went to open the door. She looked through the peephole first and was surprised to see Jamie standing there. She cautiously opened the door.

"Hi, Sarah… you uhh… you look well."

"I am… thank you. Umm… Jamie, what are you doing here?"

"I came to speak to you. May I?" Jamie gestured with his hands if he could come in.

"I don't think that's such a good idea…"

"Please, Sarah… I need to talk to you."

"I have nothing to say to you, Jamie. I told you, I can't see you anymore," Mac said, as she started closing the door.

Jamie stopped the door with his foot. "Oh, I think you'll want to know what I've got to say," Jamie said, showing her Mattie's sweater that he was holding behind him.

"That's… that's Mattie's… she was wearing it this morning when I dropped her off at school," Mac said, taking the sweater from him.

"Yeah, I know… you see, I have her, and if you don't let me in… you will never see her again."

Mac quickly stepped aside to let him in. After settling himself comfortably in the living room, he began explaining to Mac his conditions.

"You see, Sarah, I've got Mattie. I've got someone watching her right now, and if he doesn't get a phone call from me, then he's got orders to kill her. So you'd better do exactly what I tell you to do…" Jamie said.

Mac no longer recognized the man in front of her. He was talking as if he was discussing the weather. It frightened her that this man who was once so dear to her was capable of something so evil.

"Please, Jamie. She's just a kid, she has nothing to do with this…"

"Oh, I know, she's merely a means to an end."

"What do you want?"

"Well, that's simple… you," Jamie said, leering at her.

"I… I don't understand…"

"You're going to come with me, and when we're far enough away, I'll make a phone call to my buddy to let your kid go."

"How will I know you'll keep your word?"

"You don't, but you see, you have no choice. Do you really want to test me, Sarah? Can you imagine what it would do to Harm if Mattie died? He would hate you, Sarah. He would hate you knowing that his daughter was killed and you were in a position to do something about it," Jamie said, talking to Mac as if she was a little child.

Mac knew that Jamie was right. She couldn't take the chance that he might be bluffing.

"What exactly do you want me to do?" Mac said, accepting defeat.

"Simple, I want you to put your shoes on and come with me."

"That's it? You just want me to get up and leave? Harm and my friends will come looking for me."

"They can try, but by the time they realize you're missing we will have been gone a few hours already, that's quite a head start. I'm not worried about them."

"How do you know I won't just leave you after you release Mattie?"

"Because I won't let you," Jamie said, as if it were so obvious.

"Yeah, well Harm's definitely going to notice Mattie's missing. He'll have the whole of San Diego looking for her."

"No he won't," Jamie said, confidently.

"What do you mean?" Mac asked, confused.

"Never mind that, come on," Jamie said as he waited for Mac to get her shoes on. "And remember, no funny business, if I so much as think you're doing anything sneaky, I'll have Mattie killed. If you try to take me out, my buddy won't get that phone call that he's expecting to get from me, and again, Mattie's dead. Don't even think of trying to outsmart me, Sarah, because you can't."

As Mac and Jamie made their way to his car, Mac's kind neighbour in her fifties, Mrs. Chen, called out to her from across the street, "Hello, Sarah, beautiful day isn't it?"

Mac did her best to plaster a smile on her face. "Yes it is,"

"By the way, thanks again for lending me your rice cooker. I just bought a new one, wait, let me go get yours."

"No, really Mrs. Chen, you can return it later. I'm in a little bit of a hurry," Mac said, looking at Jamie.

"Well, who is this handsome fellow?" Mrs. Chen said, noticing Jamie.

Before Mac could answer, Jamie interrupted, "Hi, ma'am my name is Adam. I'm one of Sarah's clients."

"I see, well it's very nice to meet you. You two enjoy the beautiful afternoon. Later, Sarah."

"Bye Mrs. Chen," Mac said, with a heavy heart.

**2200 local**

**Harm and Mac's house**

Harm was worried out of his mind. He's spent the last two hours calling all their friends if Mac was with any of them. After he and Mattie got home at around 1700, he noticed that Mac's car was still in the garage. He expected her to be home but she was nowhere to be found. At first, he assumed that maybe she had gone for a walk or maybe had stopped by at the grocery store. She didn't usually take her car for that. But then at around 2000 hours, he still hadn't heard from Mac.

"Harm, I'm worried… it's not like Mac to be gone for so long and not leave a note," Mattie said.

"I know, I know. It's not like her at all. I mean, she couldn't have been planning to go far without her car. Also, she didn't bring her cell phone, which isn't exactly weird in and of itself…"

"You don't think something bad happened to her, do you?" Mattie asked.

"God, I hope not, Mattie," Harm said, shuddering at the thought. "But something's definitely not right. Mac would know that I'd be going out of my mind by now, if she could she would have called by now… I'm going to call Detective Summers."

Harm could see just how scared Mattie was and he didn't want to add to her fear by panicking. But Harm was in panic mode. Something happened to Mac, and he was scared that whoever had attacked her a month ago was back to finish the job.

"Detective Summers," the police officer said on the other end of the line.

"Detective, it's Harm, I'm sorry to call so late, but Mac's missing."

"Ok son, calm down, and tell me what happened."

Harm proceeded to tell the detective everything that's happened since he got home. The detective listened patiently until Harm was finished.

"Alright, Harm, usually we don't consider someone of your wife's age missing until after seventy two hours, however, because I personally know the two of you and because of what happened to her last month, I'm going to take this very seriously. I'll have every available officer on the lookout for her. Stop by my office and drop off a picture of her, I'll make sure it makes it to tomorrow's newspaper," the detective said.

"Thanks Detective Summers. I'll be over in about twenty minutes," Harm said, hanging up the phone. "Mattie, get me the most recent picture we have of Mac."

Harm was putting on his shoes, when there was a knock on the door. It was Mrs. Chen.

"Harm good evening, is Sarah in? I just came to return the rice cooker she lent me. I could have returned it to her earlier, but she seemed to be in a real hurry with her client," this got Harm's attention immediately.

"What client, Mrs. Chen? Mac's not working right now."

"Oh she was with this man… what was his name… Oh yeah, Adam."

"Adam? What did this man look like? Please, Mrs. Chen it's very important."

"Well, he was about your height, about mid thirties, blonde hair, blue eyes… very handsome if I may say so. You must be quite the secure husband letting your wife spend time with such a man," Mrs. Chen said, jokingly.

"Umm… yeah. Mrs. Chen, did my wife mention where they were going?"

"No, she didn't, only that they were in a hurry."

"Did they take a car?"

"Yes. Harm, what's the matter, you're looking rather pale."

All of a sudden, Harm remembered that Mattie took a picture of Mac and Jamie the night he had dinner with them. He asked Mrs. Chen to come inside while he grabbed Mattie's digital camera. She hadn't yet gotten around to developing the pictures, but thankfully, digital cameras nowadays allowed you to preview a picture.

"Mrs. Chen, was the guy you saw this man?" Harm asked, showing her the preview on the digital camera.

"Yes, that's him! That's Adam."

TBC in chapter 13

Sorry for the delay in between chapters. I had a bad case of writer's block, on top of the already busy schedule I have. But thanks so much for sticking with me. There's not too much left to go. I have an idea of how things are going to end, but if you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know. And thanks again for all the feedback. It motivates me to keep on writing! Stay tuned for the next chapter.


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

36 hours later

Elwood's Diner

Portland Oregon

The past day and a half has been hell for Mac. It wasn't that Jamie was treating her badly… aside from the fact that he had blackmailed her into leaving with him… no, it was hell because Mac knew that Harm was most likely going out of his mind worrying about Mattie and she felt that it was partly her fault, simply because Jamie had been _her _friend. Mac was pretty angry at herself at the moment. She knew logically that what happened wasn't her fault. She had no idea that Jamie was a nutcase. It's not like he was a guy she just met… he was her childhood friend who was very dear to her… or rather who _had_ been very dear to her.

Now, she found herself in some random diner in the middle of Oregon, passing the time while her 'captor' decided what to do next. It was clear to Mac that Jamie didn't really plan beyond getting her to agree to go with him. Mac was nibbling on her waffle as she wracked her brain trying to think of a way to contact Harm and at least let him know what was going on. She couldn't come up with anything that didn't risk Mattie's life.

"Do you want some more?" Jamie asked, looking at her almost-finished waffle.

"No, thanks," Mac answered without looking up.

"Oh c'mon, I know you have a bigger appetite than that."

It annoyed Mac to no end how casually Jamie talked to her. He was acting as if they were two friends sharing a meal. Did he somehow forget that he practically kidnapped her?

"Well, forgive me, Jamie, but I don't exactly have my usual appetite."

"Don't be so difficult, Sarah. Besides, you might as well make the best out of the situation. It's not like you can do much else," Jamie said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Why haven't you called your guy and let him know that he can release Mattie?"

"Because I don't want you running away the moment I do."

"Well, considering it doesn't seem like you have any intention of ever letting me go, does that mean you're never going to let Mattie go either?" Mac said, raising her voice.

"Don't draw attention to us!" Jamie said, glaring at Mac. "As for Mattie, I'll let her go when I feel confident that you're not going to leave. And don't even think of putting on an act, remember, I know you, I've known you for over twenty years, I'll know whether or not you're acting."

"If you've hurt her in any way there'll be no place for you to hide… Harm will kill you. I can guarantee you that right now."

"You know, Sarah… it's interesting that during this whole time all you've been fretting about is Mattie and how worried Harm probably is. You've never once mentioned anything about him worrying about you… that says something you know."

"What are you babbling about?" Mac asked, irritably. She was clearly not in the mood for his games.

"It says that you know that he cares about Mattie a lot more than he does you. You talk about him as if you were nothing but an afterthought. See, Sarah, even if you won't admit it, your subconscious knows that Harm doesn't love you nearly as much as you love him."

"I'm not getting into this conversation with you," Mac said, wanting to put a halt to his whole line of thought, but a part of her needed to defend her relationship to Harm. "Besides, it's only logical that he would be more worried about Mattie than me. She's only a teenager, not to mention that with her injury, she's not as strong as she should be. I'm a Marine, I can take care of myself and Harm knows that."

"Whatever you say," Jamie said, nonchalantly, which infuriated Mac.

"Who do you think you are?! You have no right to question my relationship with anybody."

"I'm just passing the time," Jamie said, playing with his stir-stick. "Why did you marry him, Sarah? What is it about him that makes you love him so much?"

For a moment, Jamie seemed genuinely sad.

"Because he's a good man. He always does the right thing. He's noble, honourable and he never gives up. His tenacity is so admirable."

"You do realize that it's because of those same qualities that he's hurt you so much over the years. He couldn't give up on his obsession with his father… he was too noble to fight for you when that was what you wanted him to do… I could go on… believe me, I remember everything you told me about him throughout the years."

"Perhaps you're right, but nevertheless, I love him because of those qualities in him, not in spite of them."

"So it doesn't matter then to you that you were always the one to make the first move? That he only seemed to want you when he was losing you? For all those years, he didn't want you, but he didn't want anyone else to have you either. How fair was that?"

"That's not true! It was just never the right time. There was a lot of misunderstandings between us. We were both at fault."

"The truth is that you married a coward. He could never tell you that he loved you… hell, even that he wanted you!"

"Yeah, well no one's perfect… It's not like I was entirely forthcoming… And just for your information, he has told me that he loves me… he tells me everyday."

"You're so pathetic, Sarah. You're like an abandoned little puppy, grateful for any scrap of attention he gives you. You're so love-starved that you can no longer tell the difference between attention and love!"

Mac felt like she'd been slapped. Jamie's words echoed true in her heart. It was the reason she ended up with Mic in the first place. She had felt that Harm didn't love her and as a result, she convinced herself that Mic did because of all the attention he had showered on her. It wasn't that Mic didn't love her, because he did… but it was his attention that she revelled in.

"That was a mean thing to say, Jamie. I didn't deserve that," Mac said, staring out the window, not wanting him to see the tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"You deserve the truth. That's all it was. But I understand that the truth hurts."

After a few moments, after Mac gathered herself, she asked Jamie if she could use the ladies' room.

"Fine, but make it quick. And remember don't think about trying anything… remember, Mattie's life is in your hands."

"As if I could forget," Mac said, sardonically.

A few minutes after Mac disappeared to the washroom, Jamie noticed the news broadcast on the TV.

The news reporter was standing on Harm and Mac's lawn. "The police are treating Col. MacKenzie's disappearance very seriously because of the attack she suffered at work a month ago… Her assailant was never apprehended and her husband believes that it was this man who kidnapped her."

A picture of Mac and Jamie then appeared on screen. Jamie recognized it as the one that was taken when he had dinner with them.

"A neighbour of Col. MacKenzie who was the last to see her, said that she was with this man. His name is Jamie Scott, he's 6'3.5" in height, blonde hair, blue eyes with an athlete's build. If anyone has any information…"

Jamie noticed the waitress staring at him and he quickly got up and headed to the ladies' room to get Mac.

**5 minutes ago**

**Ladies' room**

Mac couldn't believe her luck when she spotted a cell phone next to the sink. Someone must have forgotten it. She could call home without Jamie ever finding out. Mac quickly dialled her home phone number, praying to God that someone would be home.

After just one ring, someone picked up, "Hello?"

"Hello?"

"Oh my God, Mac?!"

"Mattie?! Is that you?! Are you alright? How did you get home?! Who's with you right now? How did you escape?" Mac couldn't seem to stop the barrage of questions.

"What are you talking about? Mac, where are you? We've got the police here, and they're working around the clock to find you!"

"Mattie, is Harm there?"

"He just stepped out with the detective a moment ago… I'll call him on his cell…"

"There's no time for that. Listen, Mattie, I want you to let Harm know that I'm in Elwood's Diner at 11615 SE Lexington St. Portland Oregon. Let Harm know that it was Jamie who --"

A knock on the door startled Mac and she dropped the phone.

"Sarah, hurry up we gotta get outta here!" Jamie yelled behind the door.

"Uhh… just a second," Mac yelled back.

She was trying to buy some time as she stepped on the toilet trying to gain some leverage so she can open the window just above the stall.

"We don't have a second, we have to go now!"

"Hang on!" Mac said.

She tried twisting the knob on the window, but it wouldn't budge. Cursing to herself, she looked around the room to see if there was anything she could break it with. There was nothing in the room. She tried opening the window again, and this time, she got it open. She started climbing out, but only got halfway out as she felt someone grab her legs.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Jamie roared throwing Mac on the ground.

Mac tried kicking him in the knee-cap but she was in an awkward position and he easily dodged it.

"I swear, your kid is dead!" Jamie said, grabbing her hair.

"You lied! You don't have her!" Mac screamed back.

She quickly got up and spun around with her elbow up catching Jamie in the chest. He staggered back not expecting the blow. Mac tried running for the door, but he grabbed hold of her shirt. Mac screamed trying to get someone out in the diner to hear, but the restroom area was pretty secluded. He spun her around and hit her across the face.

"Shut up!" Jamie yelled.

The force of his blow threw Mac against the wall. He tried the same move again, but she ducked down making him miss. Mac then threw a punch of her own, but it did very little other than to annoy Jamie.

Mac realized that she wasn't going to win this battle. Jamie towered over her and he outweighed her probably by a good 80lbs. He may not be a Marine, but he knew how to fight.

Angry at her for fighting back, Jamie shoved her against the wall. Mac, unwilling to give up the battle, tried kneeing him in the groin, but Jamie anticipated the move and easily dodged it. He grabbed Mac by the throat with his right hand and used his other hand and pulled a pistol from behind him and pointed it right at Mac's face.

Mac stared frozen at the gun, and all of a sudden a wave of memories came flooding back at her. She saw images of Jamie grabbing her, hitting her, pinning her to the backseat of a car and pointing a gun at her. A look of horror crossed Mac's face.

"Oh my God, it was you," Mac said in a whisper. "You were the one who attacked me."

Jamie saw the look of horror and disbelief across Mac's face and knew that she remembered. "Well congratulations… you finally got something right."

"Harm suspected you, but I wouldn't believe him… I didn't think you were capable…"

"Well, score one for your hubby I guess," Jamie said. Then cocking the gun, he said, "Now, as I was saying… it's time to go."

**Meanwhile**

**Harm and Mac's house**

**San Diego, CA**

Mattie stared in horror at the phone in her hand. She had heard the fight between Mac and Jamie. She heard Mac's screams and she heard things breaking. She heard Jamie hitting Mac. She was so stunned she didn't realize that Harm and the detective just walked through the door.

"Mattie, what's wrong," Harm asked.

"That was Mac on the phone," Mattie said, trembling. "She was talking to me, but then I think Jamie caught her… Oh, Harm I could hear them fighting. I heard them, he was hitting her. I heard Mac scream!"

The detective seeing just how scared and panicked Harm looked, decided to take the lead.

"Alright, Mattie calm down. Was Sarah able to tell you where they were?" Detective Summers asked.

"Yeah, she said they were in a diner. I forgot the address, but she said it was on Lexington St. in Portland."

"Mattie, is there anything else you can tell me after Mac and Jamie fought?" Harm asked, trying his best to stay calm for Mattie's sake.

"They fought hard, but then all of a sudden it just stopped. And I thought I heard Mac say 'it was you' and then I thought I could make out Jamie say something like 'it's time to go'."

"That's good, it probably means she's still alive," the detective said.

"Do you know where he's going to take her?" Harm asked.

"No, Mac never told me, and I didn't hear anything else."

"Ok, Mattie listen, call Jen and tell her to stay with you here. I don't want you alone right now, got it?"

"Yeah, what are you going to do?" Mattie asked.

"I'm gonna bring Mac home."

**8 hours later**

**Some seedy Motel**

**Portland Oregon**

After seeing the news on him and Mac, Jamie panicked. He found the cheapest motel he could find and hid out with Mac there. His whole plan was thrown out the window the moment Mac found out that he didn't have Mattie. He didn't anticipate a forgotten cell phone in the ladies' room when he let her out of his sight.

He now had Mac sprawled across the bed on her back with each of her wrists and ankles tied on a bedpost. He knew he was screwed. Other than the ropes tying Mac to the bed, he really had no hold on her. He had nothing to blackmail her with, other than her own life. He knew the cops were out to get him and his face was on newspapers everywhere with all the evening news taking turns showing his and her pictures.

"I think it's time to cut your losses, Jamie," Mac said.

"Oh yeah, and what would you have me do? Turn myself in?!"

"That's not such a bad idea… you haven't killed anyone."

"Yeah well, my life's over! Not to mention you're going to tell the authorities that I was the one who attacked you last month."

"Boo hoo, poor you," Mac said, sarcastically.

"Shut up!" Jamie said, walking over to Mac and striking her across the face. Jamie then sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands.

"I just wanted you to love me. That was all… I had no idea it would go this far. I just wanted to be with you. I love you, Sarah! I would do anything for you! Why did you choose him?"

"You're a very sick man, Jamie. You need psychiatric help."

"No! This is all your fault! It's because of you that I'm in this mess," Jamie yelled.

"No, Jamie. You have no one to blame but yourself," Mac said, as if talking to a two-year-old.

"Fine, but if I'm going down, I'm going to at least enjoy myself before I do!"

Jamie straddled Mac. He began fondling her breasts. Then he started kissing her down her neck.

"Jamie, don't do this! You don't want to add rape to your charges! Stop!" Mac screamed.

"Oh c'mon, Sarah, I just want a taste of that tigress in bed. The one I see give herself to Harm every night," Jamie said, unbuttoning her shirt.

Mac struggled against her restraints, but it just served to give her rope burns. "You can take my body, but you can't take my heart."

"Well, beggars can't be choosers, I suppose," Jamie started unbuckling Mac's belt.

All of a sudden, the door was kicked open. Harm froze for a second staring and Mac and Jamie, then he lunged at Jamie knocking him to the floor. Jamie swung hard hitting Harm square on the jaw, but Harm had the advantage of pure rage. The hit barely fazed Harm and he took his turn and punched Jamie across the temple. Jamie fell down knocking the lamp and gun over the table. Jamie tried reaching for the gun, but Harm kicked it aside. He then took a piece of the broken shard from the lamp and tried slashing Harm with it, but Harm saw it coming and knocked it out of his arm, then kicking Jamie to the ground. Harm then picked him up, grabbed him by the collar and tried punching him again, but Jamie blocked his punch. He kicked Harm in the sternum knocking the wind out of him. Jamie then picked up the chair and lifted it over his head.

"No!" Mac screamed.

This was enough of a warning for Harm who kicked Jamie's legs from under him making him lose his balance and sending him crashing to the floor. With Jamie on the ground, Harm seized his advantage and began pounding on Jamie. Though Jamie's face was already a bloody mess, Harm couldn't bring himself to show him any mercy and he kept beating the crap out of him.

"Harm, stop, you're going to kill him!" Mac cried, but Harm was too lost in his own rage to really hear her.

It wasn't until several police officers burst into the room that two huge officers dragged Harm off of Jamie.

After the police officers let go of Harm, he quickly went to Mac and made sure she was alright.

"Jesus, Harm I can't leave you out of my sight for even a second!" Detective Summers said.

"I wasn't going to wait a minute longer while you and the Portland Police discuss jurisdiction!"

"Well, as you can see, we were only a few minutes behind you."

"A few more minutes and that scum would have raped my wife!" Harm said, helping the other officers untie Mac.

After the chaos died down and Harm and Mac were able to give their statements, Jamie was taken away. Harm was with Mac sitting in the back of an ambulance having just had their cuts and bruises treated.

"How did you find me?" Mac asked, resting her head on Harm's shoulder.

"Well, you gave Mattie enough information. When Detective Summers and I reached Portland, he came across some red tape, something about jurisdiction… Anyway, I went off on my own to that diner. The waitress there said she recognized you and Jamie from the TV. She got the license plate of the car. I then gave the license plate to the detective who was able to track down the car to the motel. He gave me the location over the phone, and told me to wait for him. Of course, I didn't, and that's how I beat the cops to you."

"I was so afraid you were going to kill him, Harm… I'd hate for our time together to be restricted to conjugal visits," Mac said, half jokingly.

"I think that if the cops hadn't shown up when they did… I may not have stopped until I killed him. Seeing you tied to that bed, him on top of you, your face bruised and cut… I just saw red," Harm said, holding Mac tighter to him.

"You were right you know. He was the one who attacked me last month. When he and I were fighting in the washroom, he pulled a gun on me and it all came flooding back."

"I'm so sorry, Mac," Harm said, not knowing what else to say.

"Don't be, I'm just glad that Mattie's safe and that I get to go home now."

"I can't believe that bastard used Mattie to try and blackmail you… Mac… I appreciate what you did to try and ensure Mattie's safety. I would do anything to keep her safe… but I would never accept it as a trade-off for losing you."

Mac was silent for a few moments letting his words sink in. The enormity of his words shocked her.

"Well, Harm, her safety is no longer _just_ your concern alone. She's my daughter too now. I get a say too."

"I know… I just wish I could always keep my family safe. Jamie proved to me that I can't."

"Harm, please, don't beat yourself up over this. You found me… and just in time I might add. You're my hero," Mac said, teasingly.

"Aww Mac, cut it out," Harm said, blushing slightly.

Mac lifted her head from Harm's shoulder and looked him in the eyes. "Harm, I want to put all this behind us."

"Me too," Harm said, kissing Mac gently on the lips.

"I love you, Harm."

"I love you too, Mac," Harm said, hugging her. "Let's go home."

Stay tune for the epilogue!

Whew! I hope you guys enjoyed that rollercoaster ride! Thanks very much for those who stuck with me from beginning to end. I know I made it frustrating at times, but our dynamic duo ended up together at the end. Oh yeah, I gave Jamie a butt-whipping as per request, I hope you all liked it. I'll have the epilogue up, sometime this week. Cheers!


	15. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

6 months later

Harm and Mac stepped into their house after a long and emotionally draining day. The jury finally arrived at a verdict for Jamie Scott. It had taken six long months, but it finally came. Jamie got himself some very good lawyers who were able to postpone court dates and complicate what should have been an open and shut case. It also took months to establish whether or not Jamie was mentally fit to stand trial. His lawyers were able to find doctors willing to testify that Jamie may not have been criminally responsible due to mental illness. What was worse was that Mac herself had no choice but to testify that the Jamie she knew in the past would never have done such a thing.

Harm had worried greatly about Mac throughout the trial. A few weeks after Harm rescued Mac in Oregon, they found out she was pregnant. Although they were thrilled at the news, Jamie's trial and the stress it brought put a damper on their happiness. There was one incident during Jamie's trial where Harm lost it. Mac was on the witness stand testifying against Jamie when his attorney decided to try and discredit Mac based on her past. He ripped apart Mac unmercifully on the stand, doing his best to shred her credibility to pieces. Mac was of course the star witness. Normally, Harm knew Mac would be able to take whatever that sleaze lawyer threw at her, but she was also four months pregnant and he knew that the trial was taking its toll on her. Harm's instincts to protect her won over his better judgment and an outburst from him in court during Mac's cross-examination got him one night in the slammer plus a hefty fine. Mac of course was angry at Harm at first for not thinking she could handle it, but that didn't last very long as she knew why he did it.

Finally, after months of postponements and showboating from Jamie's lawyers, the law came out on top. Jamie was convicted of aggravated assault, sexual assault, and kidnapping among other smaller offences. He would not be eligible for parole for at least twenty years.

Harm could tell that Mac was relieved that they could put everything behind them and look forward to the future, but he also saw her grieve for the friend she held so dearly in her heart for so many years. Mac herself said that she could probably never forgive Jamie for what he put them through. However, Mac also mentioned how she couldn't help but wonder whether or not Jamie had been mentally ill. Harm knew that it was Mac's way of trying to save the good memories she did have of him during their childhood. By creating the doubt in her mind, she could make herself believe that she really did have a friend that cared about her… once upon a time. Harm felt a little bit of jealousy of the fact that Mac had a hard time letting go, but he at least understood. He was the king of not letting go after all.

"Hey, are you ok?" Harm asked Mac, embracing her from behind and resting his hand on her swollen belly.

"Yeah, I'm ok. I'm just glad that it's all over," Mac said, as she started to make them some tea.

Harm leaned against the kitchen counter, "Me too. I know this wasn't easy for you, Mac, but he was dangerous, he needed to be put away."

"I know, Harm. And he deserved every year of his sentence… but the look he gave me as he was being led out of the court room… He looked… sorry… I don't know…"

It really pissed Harm off how Jamie could emotionally manipulate Mac even with just a look, but he forced himself to see it from her point of view. "He was probably trying to make you feel sorry… make you feel bad. He knows how compassionate you are…" At Mac's heartbroken look, Harm took on a softer tone, "Or maybe he really was sorry, but it doesn't erase everything he did, Mac. He attacked you, he shot you, he lied to you, he kidnapped you and was about to rape you. He really was lucky he only got twenty years."

Mac wiped away her tears, "I know, Harm. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm being so emotional… Hormones I guess," Mac said, chuckling.

"Yeah, probably," Harm said, taking her hand.

"Harm, I'm so sorry you got dragged into the mess that my life is prone to becoming every now and again," Mac said, slumping into the chair next to Harm in the kitchen.

"Hey, hey it wasn't your fault. You had no idea. If there's anyone to blame, it's Jamie."

"I know that Harm, but I can't help but feel guilty that I believed the things he told me which was nothing more than an attempt to try and manipulate me."

"I'll admit that it hurt me, Mac. I mean, it seemed like you had so little faith in my love for you," Harm said.

Mac couldn't make herself meet his eyes. She knew that what he said was true.

"You're right, Harm. My faith did waver a little bit, and all I can really say is that I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

Harm reached out and wiped a stray tear from Mac's cheek, "It's not entirely your fault Mac. I know that in the past I've given you reason to doubt… Jamie, knowing you as well as he did, simply exploited that."

"Harm…"

"No, Mac listen… I heard a lot of the things he said to you… out on the porch that night. I guess what hurt me the most, aside from the fact that you believed a lot of what he said, was the fact that a lot of what he said was true."

"No they weren't, Harm!"

"Not the part about me not loving you. That was definitely not true. I love you more than anything… I mean if I learned anything about this whole mess with Jamie is that I can survive losing anything in my life but you… But the stuff that he said about the things I did in the past that hurt you… they were all true."

"I did things that hurt you too Harm… we're both guilty there."

"Perhaps… but I have to admit… I started the whole ball of hurt rolling the day I left you to go flying. I didn't understand it then… but I do now. I didn't realize the repercussions my actions would have. I was so selfish that all I could think about was flying… That was the immature Harmon Rabb for you. I had this kind of tunnel vision, I didn't see the bigger picture. I became obsessed with being able to leave flying on my own terms… I acted like a kid in many ways."

"And has Peter Pan grown up?" Mac asked.

"Oh yeah, I promise, Mac. My only obsession from now on is you and our family."

"Can I ask you a question, Harm?"

"Of course, hon, anything."

"After Mattie's accident, why did you push me away? You wouldn't let me help you… You completely shut me out. I had to ask Jen to check on you because I didn't know any other way to find out if you were ok or not."

Harm heard the pain in his wife's voice and immediately hated himself for having done that to her. "Mac, I'm so sorry… I really wasn't thinking straight during that time. I mean, I felt so alone… things between us had stalled… I was hurting so much… In hindsight, I needed you then probably more than I ever had before… but I was scared of the uncertainty between us."

"Did you do it to get back at me? I mean I pushed you away… after Webb died, after I found out about my endometriosis…"

"Subconsciously… maybe… but not intentionally to hurt you. I was hurting so much back then that I wouldn't have thought of something so trivial as to get back at you… Things were such a mess back then, Mac.

"Yeah, you're right. But whether or not you meant to hurt me, you did. And I have to admit, I deserved it. I got a taste of what it was like to be the one pushed away. It hurt because I saw you and Mattie as a family, and myself as someone who would never be a part of it."

"We _are_ a family! I'm so sorry you felt that way. Mac, if I could take it back, I would… but I can't, and all I can ask is for you to believe me that I'll never shut you out like that again… There's no uncertainty in my heart anymore, Mac. Now, there's nothing I'm more sure of than you and me… of us."

"Me too, Harm," Mac said. "Let's not dwell on this anymore. Jamie brought back memories of us that I'd rather not think about, but at the same time, I think it was a good thing that we talked about them."

"You're right. We need to put all the hurt behind us, Mac. We have a really bright future ahead of us and we need to focus on that… The best part of it all is this little one on the way," Harm said, placing his hand on Mac's protruding belly.

"Yeah, I can't wait to meet her --"

"Or him," Harm said. "Anyway, with my looks… we'll call him Mini-Me."

"Like in Austin Powers? Are you kidding, Harm?"

"Aww, c'mon, Mac. If it's a girl, we'll name her after you. I can just picture our little girl, she'll have your big brown eyes and your dark wavy hair, and your charming smile. She'll be beautiful, our little MacKenzie Rabb."

"_Mac Rabb_?! I'm sorry, Harm. I'm not naming our daughter that! It sounds like a reject burger from McDonalds."

Harm couldn't help but laugh, "Ok, ok… I guess we'll come up with something else, we still have a few more months anyway."

Harm and Mac finished their tea and together started washing and drying the dishes.

"Did you tell Mattie it was ok for her to sleep over at Jen's?" Mac asked.

"Yeah, she and Jen will have lunch together tomorrow, she should be back in the afternoon."

"Hmm… you know what that means?"

"_Oh_ _yeah_, we have the house all to ourselves."

"You got that right, Flyboy," Mac said, as she sauntered out of the kitchen and made her way to their bedroom.

Harm almost dropped the teacup he was drying in his haste to follow her.

The End

Yay! I'm done! Thanks everyone for all the feedback and suggestions! It gave me motivation to finish this. I hope you all liked the story, and I hope I've wrapped it up well enough to satisfy most of you. I know I raised a lot of issues in the story that I myself didn't know how to reconcile. But I hope I at least tied _most_ of the loose ends. Thanks again!


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